Page 75 of Heathen

I wait a minute longer, hoping he says more, because each word out of his sexy mouth plugs a hole left in my heart by my past.

When I finally get the courage to turn and face him, I notice his even breaths and the hint of a snore coming from his mouth.

I don't really regret not turning sooner. We have a long time to talk about this stuff.

I sweep his hair off of his face and fall asleep, curled into his chest, as if we've been lovers for a lifetime and it's exactly where I belong.

***

I can't recall the last time I woke with a smile on my lips and hope blooming in my chest, but here I am, stretching in the bed, arms over my head with my back arched, feeling like a million bucks.

I do a full-body check, making a point to flex every single muscle group I can think of and doing my best to ignore the ache right in the center of me.

I'm so happy with what he said to me last night that I don't even bother to feel bad that the other side of the bed is empty. It doesn't even occur to me to worry about why he's not there with me. He has a job to do and business to handle. We haven't woken up once together, so there are no alarms bells going off in my head, not after his whispered confessions last night.

Getting out of bed, I stretch again, loving the burn in my muscles from my vigorous swim in the pool yesterday. I don't know what our lives will look like going forward, but I pray the pool is part of the deal. I picture myself swimming in it after a very long shift at the grocery store, and by the time I climb into the shower, water covering my body, the images shift from a lonely relaxing swim to being joined by Ellis.

I turn off the water after my shower and try to turn off those thoughts. We can get to the sexy parts soon. What I don't need is to go in search of him panting like a sex-crazed lunatic and having the other guys in the house witnessing that.

I notice my cheeks are pink when I swipe the condensation off of the mirror and stare into my reflection, but there isn't a thing I can do about it. I always seem to be a little flushed around him, and I don't know that I want to tamp down the way I react to him any time soon. It makes me feel alive for the first time in as long as I can remember.

I pull on some clothes, grateful for the things that showed up in the closet the other day, considering the conversation that Ellis and I need to have. As much as I like t-shirts and sweats, the outfits aren't very conducive to the Nevada heat, despite that it's late October.

Thinking of the calendar makes me also think of Morgan's Halloween party, and as I leave the room, I have every intention of inviting my husband to join me.

Voices coming from the conference room make me pause rather than heading right into the kitchen.

"It's not the best idea," Ellis says, but I have no idea who he's speaking to. "It's not like she can stay here forever."

"You don't have to be so hasty." I recognize Rooster's voice. He's the guy I've spoken to the most because it seems like he's the one who never leaves the house as his work is all tech and computer-related.

"It's not being hasty. I think it's time to go."

All of those tiny holes he has managed to fill break open once again, leaving behind more damage than Troy ever could've caused. I let my guard down. I allowed myself to imagine that he was different, that we were somehow meant to be, that our meeting and marriage were kismet somehow and always meant to be.

I couldn't be more wrong, and the pain of this realization slices at me, adding a thousand tiny cuts to my skin.

I turn to leave, knowing I can easily run up the stairs, pack my limited belongings, and leave. I don't have to stick around, giving him more opportunity to drive the knife harder into my back.

"Kaylee?"

I spin to face him, the threat of tears burning the backs of my eyes. For some reason, I force a smile to my lips because it's what comes as second nature to me, hiding the pain, that is.

He doesn't look annoyed to see me there. If anything, his smile is wide, and then it hits me. He's worse than Troy. My ex had a hard time hiding his true emotions. If he was upset, he didn't waste a breath lying about it. If he didn't like something, the opinion rushed from his lips whether prompted or not.

"Hey," I manage, my voice not working the way I want it to.

I feel like letting him see my pain would only be another mark in his win category, and I can only take so many strikes against me before crumpling to the floor and sobbing like a baby. I've done that in the past, so I know it doesn't help any situation.

I straighten my spine when I notice the shadow at his back, and as if they weren't just talking about getting rid of me, Rooster smiles in my direction as well.

"Good morning, Kaylee," Rooster says.

Their smiles are like poisonous darts being embedded in my skin, but when Ellis walks up to me and wraps his armsaround my waist, I curl into his embrace one last time. If there's anything that I've learned over the years, it's that I can be just as fake as I need to be until l have the chance to walk away.

Chapter 31

Heathen

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