Page 161 of The Married Alpha And His Arrow: Vol 1

I laughed and so did Ted. I waved, “Just a misunderstanding.” Haley frowned, “I call bullshit, but if you don’t want to talk that’s fine. Let’s get some shots and get this party started. First, new outfits!” I said, “Before you do that, you should know that tonight's events involve a B&E.” Haley clapped excitedly. She snapped me into black cargo pants, and a black crop top. Haley had snapped herself into Camo leggings and a camo crop top.

Ted questioned, “You’re not going with all black, Hales?” Ted was also decked out in all black. Haley looked away then said, “I don’t wear all black anymore.” Ted and I frowned. I said, “I know you like color, but you used to rock black on occasion.”

Haley snapped us all three shots and downed hers. She said, “Even since the former Vampire King Damon, who is now a puddle, took me I don’t wear black. He made me wear this horrid all black ‘pet’ outfit and a collar. I never got to change, and I can’t believe supernaturals with their sense of smell were cool with that. I swore off all black after I left that place.”

I hissed, “I would’ve staked his ass so fast for you! I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.” Ted agreed, “I am too. I would’ve contacted Lex if I’d known. I found out about your wedding well after you were pregnant.” Haley said, “I have so many thoughts. First, TeleTed you were invited to my wedding and baby shower with a plus one. Second, being a pet isn’t your style. I appreciate the thought though.”

What? Heath never would’ve kept Ted’s invitation from him. Ted startled, “I was invited?” Haley nodded, “That would’ve been a hell of reception because Matt would’ve found you. I conjured your invitation to your house.” Ted’s gaze narrowed, “When?” Haley shrugged, “The day we finalized what the invitations looked like. I just assumed it was too short notice.”

Ted yelled, “That motherfucking Troll kept me from your wedding and meeting Matt sooner! I know he didn’t know that, but I’m FULLY blaming him.” I asked, “Hey, what now?” Ted hissed, “The Troll was at my place for a meeting with my dad. I’ll just bet he took my invite because he knew I’d tell you.” He was right. Noah would do that.

Haley sighed, “Lex, I knew you’d have been there if you could’ve been. The wedding, Damon’s, and the baby shower. I got out though. I staked that mother fucker myself. Now what are we doing in these outfits?” Ted was still simmering with anger and I couldn’t blame him.

I shook myself and explained what we were doing, “I need to get the names of anyone renting a P.O box where I have mine.” Haley nodded, “Sure, why?” I said, “I think a possible cousin of mine has a box there.” Haley gasped, “Exfuckingcuse me?! Back the fuck up bitch. Cousin?” I sighed and explained it all to her.

Her eyes blazed, “I WILL KICK THEIR ASSES! How could they just leave you alone like that? At least my Dad’s family thought I was being taken care of by the other half of my family! They have their traditions! Your people don’t have that! They HAVE to know your parents died! OHHHHH I WILL fairy hijinks the FUCK out of them!” Ted clapped, “YESSSS GIRL! Give it to them good.”

Haley’s phone rang. She answered, “Have no fear, you will ALL be pissed off too when you find out what I just did. I’m not going to kill anyone. YET. HIJINKS WILL BE DONE! They will SUFFER before I am through and it’s your turn.” Ted snickered. She said, “I have to go do girl’s night things.” She paused then said, “No, we aren’t killing anyone….” She paused hissing, “Yet.”

She glanced at me, “Right?” I shrugged, “That I know of.” Haley said, “See? I know you heard her.” She sighed, “Yes, we are doing something illegal in this realm. It makes it more fun. I’ll explain later. You start thinking of pranks I will modify and perfect. No, don’t do that. You’re not good at pranks. Think of torture techniques.” I clapped my hand over my mouth. She said, “Love you too, bye.”

I asked, “Who?” She answered, “All of my brothers on a conference call. I heard my dad laugh there too.” I said, “The grandparents and any aunts and uncles are likely fair game. Let’s leave the cousins for now.” Haley disagreed, “No, when those fuckers are found ALL their asses are fair game. OHHH I could tattoo yours and Heath’s names on the back of their hands. Then they’d have to see it ALL the damn time! Constant reminders of what shits they are. I WILL come up with all the things. SO many fucking things. OHHHH the fairy hijinks. Those fuckers!”

Ted came in with drinks and toasted Haley, “I do so love you, Haley Conners.” She downed her martini’s. I quickly said, “The cousins could be around our age. They are as blameless as we are. We have to be fair here.” Haley huffed, “DAMN IT! Fine. I will let the cousins explain before I include them.” She conjured more drinks and downed them.

We followed suit. Haley groaned, “Fuck being nice.” I asked, “Who are you being nice too?” She replied, “So many damn people. I’m near explosion level twenty-four seven and no one notices that I don’t detonate all the time.” She paused then added, “Actually, in an ironic twist, Aiden notices. It seems to both impress and concern him when I don’t detonate.” I frowned, “Hales, what’s going on?” If Aiden was worried that wasn’t good.

Haley said, “To Lex’s P.O Box!” She popped us there. Ted and I shot each other looks. I couldn’t exactly pry with Haley right now because I was keeping massive secrets. Her mood seemed to switch on a dime. Haley smiled and conjured her phone and put it on speaker. I heard Gunner answer, “Haley? God, please tell me you’re just calling to say hi.” Haley replied, “I did plan to say hello Harper’s boy toy lover. I’m looking at a computer I need to get into.” Harper groaned, “Why?”

I answered, “Because I need the list of clients off of it.” Harper and Haley bickered back and forth as she typed on to keyboard. Eventually a portal opened. Harper and Gunner stepped through. Haley said, “I could’ve done it mydamnself.”

Gunner rolled his eyes and guided her to the side of the computer. He flexed his fingers and got to work. Harper took in our outfits. He asked, “So, what’s going on? Why are you so mad all our eyes blazed for several minutes.” I explained. Both Gunner and Harper’s eyes were now blazing. Again.

Haley stuck her tongue out, “Told you so.” Harper agreed, “You did. I agree that you’re right here, little sister.” Haley gasped, “Holy shit. One of you admitted I was right. I need to sit down.” Harper rolled his eyes, but Haley actually sat down.

Ted clapped, “Three pissed off Hackura portaled into a P.O. Box office. Someone finish the joke.” Haley said, “One popped two portaled and then they fucked shit up.” Ted snorted. Harper said, “We can find them for you, Lexi. I’ll find them goddamn fucking fast too.”

I sighed, “Heath wants to do it.” Haley groaned, “But Harper’s boytoy lover is so much faster. I’m SO GODDAMN TIRED of being nice to people. I’m almost at my fucking max. I don’t know that I have much more in me.” I frowned because I believed her. Something seemed to be eating at her, and not in the normal Haley fixing problems way. Was this about the ritual she did for Emmaline?

Ted was hunched over laughing. Harper said, “Aww, little sister it’s ok. We can let the Scott’s do it their way. They will find them eventually, then we can have chats.” I think Haley had her walls up in their bond again. I needed to talk to them about this. Haley scoffed, “Fuck chats! I’m pulling fairy hijinks on their asses.”

Gunner said, “And that’s why we love you, Hales.” Haley cooed, “AWWW Harper’s boytoy lover loves me.” Gunner sighed, “One day, you’ll say my name.” Haley replied, “I say your damn name all the time. It’s the other crazy people who can’t get it right.” Harper laughed and Gunner desperately tried not to.

He printed out a list and presented it to me, “Here you are.” Haley chimed in, “I still could’ve done it.” Gunner agreed, “Yes, but I did it faster. If I needed someone to go crazy with samurai swords or fairy hijinks I’d call you, little Princess.” Haley agreed, “I suppose you have a point. Samurai swords do not fit on your keyboard.”

Harper laughed, “Samurai swords are not in Gunner’s wheelhouse, little sister.” Haley asked, “What the fuck are you on about, big brother? What the FUCK is wheelhouse? Why would a wheel need a house? UGH!” We all laughed.

I turned to Harper and Gunner, “Thank you for coming to help.” They nodded and opened a portal. Harper gave Haley a hug, “Call anytime, little sister.” Gunner said, “Yes, this type of call is better than the frantic. ‘FIND HALEY NOW!’ call.” Haley said, “I can hardly help why people call you, Harper’s boytoy lover. Or that they are fucking weirdos about my location.”

Harper told her, “Then don’t get shot.” Haley groaned, “You take ONE bullet for someone, and people hold it over your head! Am I supposed to deal with this FOREVER? I AGREED to take my phone with me when I pop places. What else do you people want from me?!”

Harper kissed her forehead then said, “No taking bullets.” Haley sighed, “I’ll do my best.” Harper frowned, “If only you’d promise.” Haley smiled. Gunner groaned, “Thanks for that lack of response, Hales. Really. This won’t cause your brothers to get on a conference call. You call me his boytoy lover for a reason. Yet you keep preventing me from living up to my name.”

Haley replied, “I can’t lie. I repeat, what do you people want from me?! Harper, fuck your boytoy lover. It’s his name after all, and he evidently feels neglected. I texted Cali already and she’s onboard with the plan to make Harper’s boytoy lover not feel that way. You’re welcome.”

Harper smirked, “You’re right. We can’t have that. I plan to make sure he feels nothing but bliss.” Haley clapped and looked at Gunner, “There? Are you happy?” Gunner said, “Yes, actually. I would be happier if I went three days without a frantic track Haley call.” Haley said, “If the universe would let that fucking happen then I have no problem with that, Harper’s boytoy lover. Now, off to bad ass girl gang night!” They portaled out and Haley popped us back.

Haley groaned, “UGH!” She threw herself on the couch. I told her, “They love you.” She replied, “I love them too, but they are exhausting.” Ted laughed, “I’m sure they say the same thing about you.” Haley gasped and sat up, “Do they really? I’m DELIGHTFUL AND ENTERFUCKINGTAINING!” I agreed, “That you are. I need to call Heath.” Ted made drinks for me and himself. Haley snapped herself more martinis.

---