Page 12 of The Married Alpha And His Arrow: Vol 1

I pointed out, “There are things about me the Lieutenant doesn’t know. Things change in three years. I can handle him if I have to. I’m worried about you.” Sally looked at her hands, “I’m trying to figure it out too. I love him, but it hurts to love someone who’s supposed to be your other half when they don’t love you back.”

I cringed having to say this, “I’m his last defender, but I’ve seen how he looks at you. He does love you.” Sally shrugged, “He doesn’t love me enough to let you go. As I said, I’ve stayed for you and myself. I want to exhaust every option before I give up on him. I don’t ever want to wonder what if this or that. The only thing I won’t do is have a child with this situation unresolved. It wouldn’t fix what is wrong with us.” Sally started to cry as she admitted, “I want to be a mom so badly. Why can’t he just love me?” I walked around my desk and held her.

Ted cracked open the door. I put my hands up waving him back. His eyes widened, but he closed the door silently. I consoled her, “One day, whether it’s with him or someone else, you will be an excellent mother. It’s not even like you’re wasting your good years on him. We will live for a long time.” Sally wiped her tears, “At least there’s that. I know I’m just as bad, lying to him about being on birth control.”

I immediately disagreed, “I don’t think so. You fear his reaction. Did you change your mind after you decided to start trying?” Sally carefully considered her answer, “No, he told me it was time. He’d gone to one of our healers and told him not to fill my birth control. I found out when I went to get my next pack.”

I was shaking I was so angry. I yelled, “THAT ASSHOLE! He does NOT get to decide when you are ready to have a baby! That’s a conversation you are supposed to have together.” Sally nodded, “I agree with you. Susanna has wanted me to talk to you for years. I wanted you to heal first. Now, with Raphael, I felt we could talk. I’m scared for you. He’s possessive of.”

I pointed out, “I’ve had sex with other people. Why does Raphael bother him?” Sally answered, “Because he’s not a mission. You connected with Raphael. Heath told him that you like him.” I frowned, “I do like Raphael. We aren't dating though; he’s going home soon.” Sally said, “But you connect with him. That makes Noah feel like he’s not in control. Having sex with a mark on a mission isn’t the same to him, and you know it.” I frowned, “I wouldn’t do it if I had my string.”

Sally cautioned, “Don’t tell him when you find your string.” I snorted, “I don’t tell him anything about myself. I haven’t spoken to him more than a few sentences here and there in three years.” Sally looked me in the eyes, “Don’t let Heath tell him.” I shrugged, “I can’t stop Heath from doing things.” Sally disagreed, “Yes, you can. Noah doesn’t need to know for Lieutenant duties you’ve found your string. Just protect that relationship when you find it.” I studied her, “You really are afraid for me.”

Sally’s hands were shaking, “I really am. Part of me is scared for myself. I know I’m safe as long as he’s my string. If I reject him, I won’t be. His pride would be hurt, and he’s not a man who does well when his pride is wounded.”

The real fear in her eyes pissed me off. Fuck him. I informed her, “I am enrolling you in a self-defense class. Ted will mark you as a standing appointment on my calendar. If anyone looks, your car will be here. You can run to the class and back from my office. I’ll make sure it’s close by.”

Sally had tears in her eyes, “Thank you.” I honestly told her, “I wish you’d told me sooner, but I’ll protect you now.” Sally snorted, “Isn’t that ironic? The woman my string emotionally abused is the one helping and protecting me from the one person I shouldn’t need protection from. The biggest part of me hopes I’m wrong. That I’m making a mountain out of molehill.”

I reached over and squeezed her hand, “We will be ready either way. If you want to reject him, I’ll get you to safety. We can get you a new identity. Haley will help me and he’d never find you.” Sally wiped another tear, “There’s a fourth of me that wants to jump on that. It’s so hard because I love him. I do.”

She broke down again. I rubbed her back, “No one knows better than me that he can make you feel like the only important thing in the world.” Sally cried, “He really can. Sometimes everything is so perfect.” I tried, “You never know. Maybe this thing with Raphael will make him realize I don’t matter.”

Sally quickly wiped her eyes, “I’ve given up hope on him giving you up.” My heart wrenched, “Sally...” She shrugged, “It’s not your fault. You did everything short of leaving the Hood, and none of us wanted that. I was afraid you would. Noah was petrified when he found out the Princess came at your request to take you to her realm. He let Heath beat the shit out of him. That’s when he said he’d thought you were pulling him not me. Susanna has really been there for me. Zeke and Isaiah too.”

I was quiet, “If you have no hope for you two…” She interrupted, “That’s the pathetic part, you know? I do hope that his feelings for you can go into a quiet space in his heart. Talking to you makes me realize how angry I am at him. How angry I am myself, because I’m not ready to throw in the towel and give it up. I tell myself it’s for you, but it’s for me too.”

I nodded, “As long as it’s for you too. He doesn’t deserve you.” She smiled, “He doesn’t deserve you either.” I smiled wickedly, “It’s a small thing, but stay with me at Haley’s tonight. The event is tomorrow. Tell Noah you need to be there first thing. It’s your first big event.”

Sally wistfully said, “I could use a night away.” I said, “Show him what he’s missing. We’ll have Haley doll you all up before you go home.” Sally smiled, “That would be nice. It’s been a while since I’ve done that.” I assured her, “We will show Noah what’s right in front of his eyes and what’s truly in his heart.”

Sally admitted, “My heart hopes you’re right, but my head is telling me to give up.” I told her, “If and when you’re ready to give up, you let me know. I’ll be there.” Sally smiled and hugged me, “Thank you. You won’t tell anyone, right?” I assured her, “It’s between us. I’ll tell Ted we discussed you wanting a child. If he tells anyone, no one would be surprised that was the conversation.”

Sally said, “You really are great. Your string is going to be amazing.” I shrugged, “We will see if I ever find him. I’m not exactly whole anymore.” Sally asked, “Who is? We all have our issues. I’m going to run into my little catering company, and make sure everything is running smoothly.” I nodded, “Be back here around quitting time. I’ll drive you to Haley’s.”

Sally got to the door then turned, “What if Noah shows up at Haley’s to bring me home?” I laughed, “He wouldn’t dare. Everyone knows Haley hates him. He’s not allowed on missions involving the Hackura anymore for that reason. According to Haley herself one or two of her brothers are always there with her and her guard is here too. He’d get his ass kicked if he showed up, and no one wants an angry Alpha Eric Conners.”

Sally shivered, “No you really don’t.” I smiled, “He’s adorable with her and their kids. He can’t hide his love for her, and he doesn’t even try. I’d pity anyone who upsets her.” Sally told me conspiratorially, “She made mincemeat of Claudia Harden.” I winked, “Haley told me she calls her Claudzilla.” Sally laughed, “How apt.”

I said, “Haley is good at things like that. She’ll like you.” Sally questioned, “Are you sure? She hates Noah, and I’m his string.” I shrugged, “Haley doesn’t hold things like that against people. She’ll be telling you to leave him five minutes in to tonight.” Sally smiled, “I already like her.” I nodded, “Few don’t. She’s hard not to like, but she doesn’t see that.” I gave Sally a hug and she left quickly to go about her day before we went to Haley’s together tonight.

I sat down on the couch in my office, and then laid down absorbing everything. Sally was truly afraid for me. I didn’t understand why my ex would care about anything I did. He must just be possessive because I told him I was his that night. Surely, he knew that doesn’t mean anything now. He’d given no indication he even wanted me in the last three years. Not that I’d given him the choice.

He’d tried to explain everything to me, but I slammed the door in his face. When he’d refused to leave, I had Haley pop me out again. Heath told him to stay away from me and he had for the most part. We never talked about that night ever again. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to hear his lies. I think he knew he that, so he gave up.

He knew Heath would rip his position away from him if I ever told the truth. I’d had to remind him of that through Heath indirectly a few times, but not often. Like the circumstances with Haley. Noah knew I held the trump card here.

Sally’s words were making me think about our entire relationship all over again. Did Noah control me? Did he take advantage of my grief and my naivety? I sighed, that sounded like a Raphael question. Haley would agree with anything bad about Noah. Plus, she’d said many of these things before.

Ted came in demanding, “What the hell was that about?” I tried to dissuade him, “Girl stuff.” Ted waved his arms dramatically, “Hello? I’m one of the girls. Talk to me. I know everything anyway.” I sighed, He didn’t. I didn’t even know Isaiah, Zeke, Susanna, Terry, and Sally knew that Noah had been so cruel to me. I was embarrassed and I knew people wouldn’t believe me.

I did know that Ted would’ve been on my side, but he was the gossip telephone of our people. I felt bad but I lied, “You know what it was about.” Ted winced, “She’s in such a state about having a baby, or she wouldn’t talk to you about it.”

I silently wondered if Sally was wrong about herself. She could go on missions. She had everyone convinced her sorrow was about having a baby; not her heart being slowly ripped apart by her string. I was worried that I hadn’t been paying close enough attention to my people. I should’ve noticed her struggles sooner.

I said, “Grief does weird things to a person.” Ted studied me, “I know. I’m proud of you though. For everything. Everyone knows of the Black Arrow. You have so many aliases at this point. What was your last one? With Henrick?”

I flipped my hair, “I was Collette.” Ted teased, “That’ a fun name. This though Lex, our company even Heath is thrilled.” I laughed, “He’s not hiding his proud big brother status well, is he?” Ted waved his hand in the air, “He’s worse than me on this one. He tells everyone how great it is, and your event with the Princess is going to be a smashing success according to him.”

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