"Always." I squeeze his arm and we half-hug. There’s no awkwardness between us. We’ve been in too many life and death situations for any kind of self-consciousness. He’s closer to me than my half-brothers. The brother of my heart. He and Skylar and their mother are my made family.
All the more reason I can’t let him down. I can’t allow myself to be drawn to Skylar. I have to ignore my attraction to her. I have to pretend I don’t sense how she’s, even now, watching me from under lowered eyelids on the dance floor. How, through the evening, our gazes have been meeting; and each time, my blood has heated. I snatch a can of non-alcoholic beer and chug it down, wishing it were the real thing, then crush the empty can and toss it into the recycling bin.
When I look up, Ben has been pulled into discussion by two gangly adolescents who’re almost as tall as him but have not yet grown into their bodies. Not long ago, we were much like them. And now, we’re in our early thirties.Damn, how did that happen?
The song over the speakers changes into something slower. I can’t recognize it, but the words are soppily romantic. On the floor, the boys and girls pair up. There are more girls than boys, and those left out dance with each other.
Skylar’s dancing with a boy who looms over her. He’s also the only boy who seems to have been working out. She smiles up at him, and my heart seizes in my ribcage. And when he slips his hands from her shoulders to her waist, the beer I sucked down sloshes in my stomach. This…weird stabbing sensation in my chest…Is it jealousy? What the fuck?She’s with someone her own age. Someone who’s much more appropriate for her.So why am I this perturbed?
I take a step forward in their direction—and stop myself.
What are you going to do, huh? Go up there and push the boy away from her and take his place? Yes. Yes. That’s what I want to do. But I won’t. It’s wrong. And I will never betray Ben in that way.
I spin around and, brushing past Ben and the boys he’s deep in conversation with, I head out into the garden. I walk to the very edge and lean against the fence that separates it from the next house. I pull out my cigarette. I quit a year ago and took to carrying a cigarette with me because knowing I had one at hand helped me control my urge to smoke. Go figure.
With her, though… I cannot allow myself to be near her. The reverse psychology is not going to work with what I feel for her. I’m going to have to put distance between us. After today, I’m going to make sure I stay away from her. No more coming to visit Ben at his home in between missions. I need to focus on my own family—my half-brothers who’ve made it clear they want to know me better.
I pull out my lighter and allow the flame to lick the edge of the cigarette, when, "Nathan,"—her voice reaches me—"I didn’t know you smoked."
5
Skylar
He looks so aloof standing there, taking a puff of his cigarette. The lit end glows red in the dark. The scent of burning tobacco reaches me. A pleasant smell. A very grown-up smell. One that brings to mind night clubs and secret trysts. The heels of my stilettos sink into the grass. I stagger then straighten myself to find he’s watching me. The moonlight is bright enough that his eyes glitter. He’s so still. Like an apex predator lying in wait for his prey. I have a sudden inkling that this is how he lies in wait for his enemies when on a mission, too. As I draw closer, he brings the cigarette to his mouth and puffs on it. When he exhales, twin streams of smoke emerge from his nostrils. There’s something in his stance that tells me he’s not happy to see me. Or maybe, it’s the remote expression on his face.
"What are you doing here?" he growls.
The hard edge to his voice elicits a rush of arousal between my legs. My thighs tremble. My pussy feels like it’s going to combust with need. Oh god. There’s also something else in his tone. Anger?Something on the verge of hate, maybe? My steps falter. I stop a foot away from him, wanting to get closer… But the stiffness in his shoulders and the granite edge to his jaw tell me it would be more prudent to keep some distance between us.
"I… I wondered where you were."
"I needed some time away from you; can you respect that?" he says through gritted teeth.
Something inside me curls up and dies a little at his tone. Why is he so angry with me? "I’m not sure what I did, but the least you could do is be civil to me. On the other hand—" I toss my head. "On the other hand, I’m realizing I probably shouldn’t expect anything from you. You’ve been acting strange since you arrived. If you didn’t want to be here, then you shouldn’t have come. My brother would have understood. And I’d certainly not have missed you, just so you’re aware. But now that you’re here, you could try not to spoil my birthday." I pivot and begin to walk away when he swears under his breath.
"Skylar, stop."
I raise my middle finger over my shoulder. Whatever. I might be attracted to him, but I can do without a growly, grumpy Marine with an attitude problem screwing up what’s supposed to be a very special day for me. I continue walking away when he curls his fingers around my wrist. "I’m sorry, Skye, I didn’t mean to take my frustrations out on you."
I tug on my hand, and he releases it and steps back. "Sorry I didn’t mean to touch you," He drags his fingers through his hair. It stands on end and softens his features. There’s more than a touch of frustration in his eyes. "I really am sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. It’s why I came out here. To minimize any chance of my causing any discomfort to you."
"I don’t understand. How could you hurt me?"
He laughs, the sound bitter. "Just by talking to you, I could hurt you."
"Meaning?" I tilt my head.
"You’re a smart woman, Skye. Don’t pretend you’re not aware what this is about."
He called me a woman, so that’s good. At least, he acknowledges that I’m not a silly girl. At least, he looks at me differently than when he first arrived. I nod slowly. "You mean the attraction between us?"
His gaze grows cautious. "It would be remiss of me if I didn’t admit that I do feel the chemistry, between us, but?—"
"There’s always a but, isn’t there?" I scoff.
"—but I swear, before today, I never thought of you in any way but as Ben’s little sister."
I throw up my hands. "I’m eighteen now."