Page 49 of Absorbed

A lump formed in her throat.Was there no condom? Oh, God!She lifted her hips and pulled up her pants.No, no, no, no, no!She began shaking again. She struggled with the clasp of her bra and the arm holes of her tank top, sliding an arm through theneck opening, fumbling, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

Jessie’s head was pressed against the seat, his eyes closed, shirt crumpled on his lap, like he’d run a marathon.

That was so stupid! I’m an idiot. Oh god!Her stomach violently twisted in on itself.

Jessie’s puka-shell necklace glowed green in the dark, reflecting light from the stereo. Stacey fought an urge to rip it off him and smash it against the windshield.

She looked at the clock. 9:15.

As the song changed, Chris Isaak’s voice rose again, repeating over and over how trouble was going around.

Stacey reached between the seats and hit the power button on the stereo, but the lyrics wouldn’t stop reverberating through her mind. She squeezed her thighs together, hands clasped between them to stop her shaking.

Somewhere in the pitch-black outside, a coyote howled.

She wiped her cheeks. Rubbed under her eyes. She examined her fingers, but couldn’t see well enough to tell if they were covered in makeup.

There was another howl, closer, followed by a chorus of yips.

“You hear that?” he asked. Jessie’s hand squeaked against the window pane, like he was wiping it to look out. “They caught something. Maybe a rabbit.”

She turned her face toward her window, crossing her left arm over her body.Dumbass rabbit. Serves you right, out here alone.She put her right pinky nail in her mouth and chewed the tip of it off, blowing the strip into the side of her seat.

Jessie reached over to put his hand on her thigh.

Her eyes popped open.Is he…?She looked over.

Jessie’s eyes were sleepy, narrow slits. “Ready to go?” His hand dropped back onto the seat. She bit her bottom lip.

Stacey climbed back into the front seat and buckled her seat belt, blinking back the violent emotions ready to rush out of her. She turned the keys in the ignition. She rolled down her window and turned the AC on high to clear the condensation.

Jessie pulled his shirt on, then climbed back up front. He ejected theHeart Shaped Worlddisc and popped in the Garbage CD, then buckled his seatbelt and tugged on the front of his boardshorts.

The surround sound of screaming guitars tightened the knots throbbing across Stacey’s forehead. She dialed the volume down. She flipped on the headlights, made a U-turn, and drove past the abandoned fields.

For the next twenty minutes, the music was muffled by the pulsating beat in her temple and the crunch of the tires on the dirt road. Stacey glanced at Jessie, asleep, his head bobbing against the passenger side window.I should open the door so he falls out.

By the time they reached the main road, she’d gnawed down two more fingernails, and spit them out toward his lap. “Stupid Girl” filled the silence, and even though she knew the song was coming, the words stung. She didn’t turn it off.

Stacey pulled the car into his driveway and wrenched up on the emergency brake before they were fully stopped. Jessie’s head fell forward, then jerked up. He blinked, then climbed out of the car and leaned his head down through the open door. “That was fun,” he yawned. “See ya later, Chapman.” He stumbled to his door and went inside without looking back.

Stacey turned off the music. Silent tears fell to her chin all the way back home. It wasn’t even ten o’clock when she pulled in the driveway. The house was dark, but Greg’s truck was still out front. She dragged the back of her hands across her cheeks. She didn’t have the energy to go anywhere else until her mom’s date was over.What if he stayed the night?She didn’t wantto imagine what they were doing, or to answer their questions about her “date.” She hoped she could slip silently into her room. Be left alone. She turned off the engine.

She pushed open the front door. Murphy was waiting for her and jumped to attention, the tags on her collar clanking. She wagged her tail and licked Stacey’s palm, while Stacey closed the heavy door as quietly as she could. From the entryway she could see no one was in the kitchen or living room. Looking down the hall, the door to her mom’s bedroom was open.

Her mom’s laughter erupted in the backyard followed by a man’s deep chuckle. Stacey’s eye’s adjusted until she could see her mom and Greg reclined in lawn chairs, their backs to the house, looking up at the stars. Their arms on the rests met in the middle, her mom’s hand intertwined with Greg’s.

They’re watching the shooting stars? Unbelievable.

Murphy padded next to Stacey down the hall and into her bedroom. Leaving the lights off, Stacey closed her door without a sound. She pulled the cover from her bed and wrapped it around herself, rolling into a ball on the floor. Murphy licked her cheek, then curled into her. Stacey pulled the blanket tight around her face and ears, blocking out the world, and imagined dissolving into the darkness. Into the silence.

No stars.

No light.

No wishes or dreams.

Just drowning in that inky blackness where maybe, just maybe, nothing about that night existed.

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