Page 49 of Love, In Balance

“So, I see you prefer tall, slim, flirty blondes with two full legs. Now I understand” she says, laughing into the air and shaking her head. She continues. “For the record though Quin.Youkissedmeback.Youflirted withme, andyouledmeon. Sorry I’m not quite your type” she says before going to walk away.Before she does, I grab her hand and pull her back so that she’s facing me.

“Lista. That woman’s just from the lane beside us. They’ve been drinking and messing about all night. I’m not interested in her or any of them” I say, anger filling my body. “I’m fucking sorry, ok. I don’t mean to be a dick to you. I’m just trying to be professional and do the right thing” I say, almost pleading with her to understand.

“Oh so, what we did was the wrong thing? I see Quin” she says, choking up on the hurt I’m clearly causing her.

“No Lista, that’s not what I meant. Look. I’m your professor and people won’t understand. I don’t want this to impact your work. If people found out –.” She interrupts before I can finish what I was going to say.

“I get it Quin. I just thought it might be worth it; you know. It’s rare that I find good things in my life. It felt good between us. Yeah, it’s complicated, but could’ve worked out. But it’s fine Quin. It doesn’t matter now. I get it” she says.

It would’ve been worth it, but she has no fucking idea what Pierce has done and said. I can’t think of a response, so I just sigh as she walks away.

“I’m sorry” I say last minute, but what’s done is done.

We spend the rest of the night apart, sharing quick glances at each other. It pains me to be apart from her.

I want her next to me, holding my hand and in my arms, but instead I pretend everything’s fine and accept what life has handed to me.

Well, whatI’veallowed to happen.

We all leave relatively early since it’s a work night.

Lista offers those of us who got a cab here, a lift.

That includes me, which is surprising, since I’m her leastfavourite person right now.

We all say our goodbyes before me, Drew and Oli get into Lista’s car. She drops Oli and Drew home first and then heads to my place since I live closest to her.

We sit quietly with music playing on low.

The tension between us has lessened, but I still want to just reach over to her and hold her in my arms. Just pretend that all of this shit with Pierce never happened, and we just remain content like we were.

“Thanks for offering me a lift. You really didn’t have to. I appreciate it” I say.

She smiles slightly and nods her head slowly, still a pained, tired, broken look on her beautiful face.

“It’s no problem. I wasn’t going to make you guys pay for taxis when I’m driving, and you live so close”.

We sit in comfortable silence again before shortly pulling up to my house.

“Well, thanks. It means a lot”.

I’m unsure of what to say next before I leave. It’s just Lista and I, in a dark car, outside my house. Without really thinking about my words, I just speak.

“Callista, I really fucking like you” I say, before leaning my head back against the head rest and scrunching my eyes shut briefly.

She takes a deep breath and does the same thing, almost melting into the driver’s seat, wrapped in her soft cardigan.

Even in such little light, she looks beautiful.

The rage and intensity of my feelings for her is overwhelming. I’m surprised I’m able to sit still.

I’ve never wanted someone this much in my entire life.

It’s fucking painful being without, when we’re this close to each other. I want to pull her onto my lap, carry her up to my room and show her what she means to me.

But I just sit here.

“Quin. I really like you too, but there’s always abutisn’t there. Like you said, you’re my professor and people won’t understand, so let’s just leave it at that before this gets any worse”.

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