Page 13 of Love, In Balance

Whilst manoeuvring my arms around my little fluff ball Edison, who may as well be attached to me upon getting home from work, I manage to write out an email.

To:[email protected]

Subject:Please read.

Callista,

It’s Quin Russell. This is my personal email since this is a matter beyond work.

I didn’t want to just leave the way our conversation ended earlier. I got your email from Professor Peters, so I hope you don’t mind me reaching out.

I’m just sorry for everything. What I said was the truth. I may be strict on campus, but in my personal life I’m not a dick. I don’t treat people like they’re disposable. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. It had nothing to do with you, just a shitty situation I couldn’t fix, so I’m sorry you felt so awful. I wish I could do it all over again and not lose the piece of paper you gave me.

I hope you can forgive my shitty actions. I’d really appreciate us talking in person again to not leave on such a shit note.

My mum always says, ‘Never leave on an argument’ and my track record is perfect. I can’t break that now.

Best wishes,

Quin Russell

I re-read it about ten times. I even ask Edison what he thinks, but he’s very conveniently fallen asleep in my lap. I click send and hope it’s good enough for Lista. Even the cliché part about my mums saying may have taken it a little too far. Joking after what must be a shitty day for her might not have been my best move. She deserves my sincerest apologies. Hearing her talk about being used to being ghosted and beating herself up about me not messaging her back made me feel fucking angry. I want to fuck over anyone who has made her feel unworthy and understand why.

Why has she been treated like this before?

Why is she believing herself to be unworthy?

And why would she blame herself for letting this happen?

She is literally the most gorgeous human I’ve come across, and the way she makes me feel when I’m near her is dangerous. Every day away from her since we kissed feels like a loss. I’ve dreamt about her in obscene ways and today seeing her again resurfaced those tenfold. She may not wanting anything more from me after what’s happened, but I’d rather risk my feelings and make amends than have her feel unworthy.

Chapter

5

Lista

Playlist:Figure it out– Royal Blood

On my way out of campus I bumped into a familiar face. Not one I expected to see after the monstrosity of the day’s events already, but it put things into place for me thankfully. And now my busy brain can take one overthinking job off of its to-do list.

“Lista… I did not expect to see you here! It’s Edward, from New Year’s Eve. Do you work here?”.As if. Small world.

“Oh, hi Edward. Yes, I remember you. Good to see you”. I struggle to know what to say. I’m still slightly shaking and overwhelmed from speaking to Quin. “I’m actually a PhD engineering student and an associate too during my spare time”.

“Oh, ok. Well, what a small world.”.Tell me about it…“I’m a tutor here. Although you probably guessed that” he says whilst gesturing to the open classroom door that he’s manning. “Ihonestly didn’t think I’d see or hear from you again after what happened. Quin hasn’t stopped going on about you since we got home. He was like a lost puppy”.This makes me feel all tingly inside.“And after having our things stolen, things have been... difficult. Of course, he lost his phone and couldn’t message you, so he’s been giving himself a pretty hard time. I mean, he had to go to hospital for his injuries, yet all he gave a shit about was not being able to text you back”.

“Wait, so you guys were actually robbed?” He looks at me confused by what I’ve just asked. Probably also wondering why it’s the only part of this discussion I’ve decided to respond to.

“Well yeah. Have you seen Quin? If so, did he not mention it? I thought it’d be obvious by his limp and arm. Not to mention his fucking ribs. They’re pretty badly bruised. He broke a couple of them” he says, whilst almost wincing, followed by a look down, almost filled with shame. “He took the brunt unfortunately. If it wasn’t for him, I’d have been screwed. I got away with a few minor scratches and bruises, whilst that poor bastard is broken and bent by playing the hero”.

He looks down awkwardly and lifts his hand to scratch the back of his head, clearly having triggered some feelings from the incident that happened. I don’t want to pry or bring up any tough memories any further. Plus I’m a little lost for words for once. I feel like the worst of humanity. The way I treated Quin, after everything he’s been through.

I need to go home and face plant my floor.

“I really hope you’re both ok Edward. I’m glad that you guys are safe over all else. It’s nice to see you… but I need to head off. I’ll probably see you around” I say as I swiftly walk off to my car and head home. I feel awful leaving him so suddenly after he just slightly poured the contents of his guilt out to me. But there is something more important I need to do right now.

It’s 5pm. I’m home and ready to wind down, but nothing will stop me from feeling like the biggest dickhead worldwide for how I spoke to Quin.

---