Page 12 of Love, In Balance

I imagine pulling her legs apart and standing right there in the middle of them, feeling her warmth against me and breathing in her sweet scent.

“Ok. I’m listening. What happened?”.

Thankfully she’s letting me explain, whilst also pulling my thoughts back into acceptable territory.

“Edward and I had just made it back home on New Year’s Day. After I replied to your first text, I didn’t want to come across as too eager, so I didn’t plan on texting back straight away. I’m aware that sounds fucking stupid, but I’m not all that experienced at this” I say, sighing. “Before I had the chance to finally message, whilst we were out, we were jumped by a group of guys. We fought as much as we could” I hold the hand with the support strap up “but they ended up with my phone and Edwards wallet. Police are still trying to track them down but no luck as of yet”.

She sighs, closing her eyes.

“So, you didn’t purposely ghost me?” she asks.

“Why would I do that Lista? I wouldn’t have given you my number just to do that.”

“Well, I’m used to shit like this happening with guys so…”

“Look I’m sorry” I say, perhaps more forcefully than I anticipate.

“You know what Quin, It’s ok. If what you’re saying is true then I’ve been beating myself up over nothing, which is annoying but kind of nice. I hope you and Edward are ok by the way” she says kindly but withdrawn.

“What do you mean beating yourself up? I’m the one who fucked up”.

“Well, beating myself up for expectinganything.Blaming myself for…beingme. I thought if it were anyone else. Any other beautiful woman who happened to kiss you, that you’d have been in touch. If I didn’t havedifferencesto my body… But it doesn’t matter Quin. Thanks for letting me know. Now we can resume our lives, extremely awkwardly for a while knowing that our paths will continue to cross”.

“Lista, what you’re saying isn’t true. I genuinely wanted to message you more than anything. I spent days gutted that I had no way of contacting you. I never thought I’d see you again–”.

“Until now”. She finishes my sentence.

We gaze at one another in silence for a few seconds before the professor co-lecturing my class earlier suddenly barges in.

“Oh sorry, I just forgot my folder”.

I have to make this situation seem normal, so I say the first thing that comes to mind.

“It’s ok. I was just discussing something with this student. We’re leaving now”. I give Lista an apologetic look. She gets upand walks away out the doors as I finish my sentence holding her gaze.

“Thanks Quin”.

“Bye Lista”. She leaves, and I feel like the biggest arsehole.

“So, I see you’ve met Callista. She’s a bright student and associate here with the university. She’s not part of this class but she’s joining us every so often to gain more insight for her research proposal, hence her appearance here today”.

“Right, thanks. I didn’t realise her full name was Callista. Would you be able to send me her email please, so I can become acquainted with her, should she need any information for future sessions”.And maybe so I can message her and apologise even further for being the cause of her sadness.

After previoushappenings, I try my best to conceal what we were discussing and act as though what he walked in on was just a student and tutor, talking about... educational stuff, as opposed to the whole kissing and accidental ghosting situation.

The latter probably wouldn’t have gone down so well.

“Yes, do you have a pen to hand?” he says.

I write down her email and feel a spark inside knowing I can contact her. I can’t bear to leave it like this between us.

I might be withdrawn and supposedly grumpy during my work hours, but I’m not a dick, especially not to someone like Lista.

I rub my thumb over the email I have written down, ‘[email protected]’. What a beautiful name.

I head home and instantly set open my laptop.

My cat Edison hops onto my lap for a cuddle, but I can’t help the need to send this email as quickly as possible. My mind is spiralling. Trying to convince me that if I wait another minute, the chance will be gone to make further amends with Lista. I do not feel as close to being forgiven as I’d personally like, so this is something I need to do.

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