Page 13 of Losing his Daddy

I would fold in a heartbeat if I had to hear it — or worse, if I had to say it. After months and months of pleading with the universe to take the pain away, I’d only recently stopped saying his name. It held too much power over me.

"We've found a place that will help you. They specialize in grief and addiction. It's a full-time thing, so we'd have to pack you some clothes and stuff. I'll drive you myself, or you can get someone else to take you if you want."

It was then I broke down, fierce sobs tearing from my chest. The more they had talked, the more I remembered. I hadn’t been trying to hurt anyone on the ranch. At least not anyone besides myself.

I’d had the bright idea I’d drive until I reached my little plot of land in the back. The tree there was just big enough that I knew the truck would wrap around it nicely. It would take a lot of speed, but with nothing but the field around it, I knew it was possible.

It was that thought— the one about taking my own life — that made me accept the offer to get help. If I’d gone through with my original plan, I’d have likely ended my own pain, but at the cost of bringing trauma to someone else.

One of my friends would have had to find me. And they’d have to explain over and over to people how I’d died. They’d know I’d given up, that I wasn’t strong enough to go on.

When people are married for a long time and one spouse dies, sometimes the other follows. People will say they ‘died of a broken heart’ or something similar.

The night before the intervention, I’d tried to let my broken heart win. And because of it, I found a different life entirely.

“Gerald!How lovely to see you. Are you here to have your hair done again?” Makyn, the friendly hairdresser who came to the facility every other week greeted me in the common area.

I nodded slowly as I stepped forward. “I’d like that, please. I’m set to get out of here before your next visit. Want to clean up a bit.”

He pressed a hand to his chest. “Oh, my! I can’t believe you’re almost out of here. I feel like it’s flown by.”

“I wish I could say the same. Not about you. Just about time. It still feels like every day is a battle.”

“That’s life, hun. We all have some kind of vice. Mine is dark chocolate and doctors. Can’t resist either,” he told me sagely.

I snorted a laugh as I moved to sit on the stool he pointed me to. His mobile setup wasn’t like what you might see out in a salon in the traditional sense, though it did have some of those things. There was a bowl attachment next to the sink in the corner where he’d wash hair. He had a chair that pivoted and lifted as needed for him to cut hair. And he definitely had a million and one tools to get the styles everyone here wanted.

When he first showed up, I honestly had no idea what to make of him. He was a tiny man with a large personality. It reminded me a lot of Beau, which of course, made me miss home. Then he opened his mouth and all that sweetness poured out. It was the perfect combination of familiar and new. I didn’t miss home quite as much when he visited.

Besides, Makyn talked enough for me to forget about anything else but him. Like today, he went on and on about this new doctor he’d met while out getting his take out. He swears the man was meant to be in his path for the eye candy alone.

“So fate is filling lust requests now?” I teased once he slid the cape over my front. He clipped it in the back, then leaned over my shoulder with a grin.

“You’re in a good mood today, huh? I like it. This sparkle works for you.”

I blinked away the tears that almost came. He didn’t know how true his words were. While I didn’t think a short stint in rehab would be the end of my troubles, I knew enough to understand how truly blessed I was to be in this facility.

Unlike other places, this rehabilitation center offered only the best to its clientele. I had round-the-clock care from a doctor and a team of psychologists. The food was amazing, and my bed was damn near the best I’d ever slept in.

On top of all that, they truly wanted to help people. I wasn’t under the illusion that a single stay would fix things. There was more to my problem than simply picking up a bottle of alcohol that first time. I had suppressed a lot of feelings in regard to my past, and if I ever wanted to get better, I needed to face them all.

Which I planned to do with time.

The first step of figuring it all out involved a haircut. So I did just that. I let Makyn have free rein to give me something new for my fresh start.

After I was cleaned up enough to be presentable, I went to speak with my doctor about my transition into non-rehab life. We discussed my plans, and he gave me the information I’d requested on our last visit.

Information that meant I was going to do something I hadn’t done in a long time.

I was starting over. This time, in the city.

There were too many memories at the Coleman Ranch for me to find solace there. Not yet at least.

So the home I’d known for most of my adult life would change. Trading in views of the night sky, hay bales, and the landI loved for pavement, loud noise, and more people than I’d ever seen in one place felt daunting.

But if I wanted to know what I was truly capable of, I knew this was how it had to be.

Lookout world — here comes Gerald Grimes.

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