Page 56 of Losing his Daddy

“We all fall down at some point in our lives. And then we get back up. We don’t just stay on the sidewalk as life goes on, nor do we look up at the ceiling and consider it to be the end. We fall down. We get up. And we try to do better. That’s all I ask of you.”

By the end, I knew this group was the one for me. I’d found the perfect blend of people, an amazing leader, and it was at a time Wes could easily come with me. The universe was finally giving me a break. Maybe, if I was lucky enough, there’d be more on the way.

Oh, look. I was already more positive post meeting than I had been before going in. Who would have thought?

Chapter Twenty-Three

Weston

It was amazinghow one single thing could change the course of a person’s life.

Months ago, I’d have thought Danielle was going to be the person I spent the rest of my days with. I was going to marry her and build a family.

But then doubt hit.

And the truth became clear.

Her choices led me down the path to finding Gerald. I’d been thankful for him since the moment we met. Every day I felt my heart welcoming him. My love for him was like a tether between us. Despite knowing it was a long shot, I approached the idea of a relationship. Then Gerald surprised me even further by opening himself up to at leasttryingto find out what we could be.

Shortly after, he began his group therapy sessions. While they’d originally been intended to be a once-a-month thing, Gage told him he was welcome to go whenever. So, of course, he decided to attend any of the ones he could whenever I had availability to go with him.

That meant that some days, I’d get a text to meet him somewhere for dinner that was on the way to a meeting. Or he’d bring dinner to me so we could eat early, then go straight to thecenter. He’d built out our schedules to allow him to go at least once a week.

Some might have called it excessive. I saw it for what it was.

Gerald had a need to feel seen. Not in the way that meant he was destined for Broadway shows or to be the next Brad Pitt. It was more that he needed to attend these meetings to get to know people who were just like him. People who dealt with addiction, who found a way out of the darkness, and who learned their new normal just like he had.

He was reinventing himself before my very eyes. Day after day, I watched him discover more of who he was. I basked in the privilege of the experience.

And more so, I worked hard to be an active participant in his journey.

I attended the meetings with him. I spent time helping him test out various hobbies he wanted to try. I made sure to show him just how desirable he was every minute we were together.

Sometimes that meant wrapping my arms around him while he cooked in the kitchen and leaning my head over his shoulder. I’d ask what he was making. He’d tell me to be patient.

Other times, it was making sure I touched him in simple ways. I knew how important casual intimacy could be in a relationship, so I was proactive in my approach. Whether it be a squeeze of his arm before leaving for work to go with the kiss on his forehead, or rubbing the back of his neck at the end of the day when we sat side by side on the couch watching tv. It was handwritten notes that I left him around the house on scrap sheets of paper. Occasionally, when he’d leave out his planner, I’d doodle images on a couple of random dates to ensure he thought of me.

I needed him thinking of me.

Of course, I made sure to show him how I felt in more obvious ways too. We shared kisses goodbye and hello. I’d hughim when I got the urge, and the hand holding was constant. I didn’t like to be more than an arm’s length away from him if I didn’t have to be.

Gerald often asked if I was still ok with the fact that we weren’t having sex. I tried to explain to him that I didn’t need it, but I think he still struggled with the idea that I could be content without anything more.

As the days and weeks passed, I felt his resolve slowly shift. He didn’t want to pull away nearly as much. He sought me out first, his hands reaching for me even when he couldn’t see me. It was as if my presence was something he felt intrinsically.

Eventually, he settled on one meeting time in particular. It was the first one with the ragtag group of people that he loved most. Despite trying so many options, it always came back to that one.

Six months after he showed up in my life, I faced the first real challenge of our relationship. It was less about my reaction to things and more about how he’d feel. I refused to put him in a tough situation, yet I also knew better than to make assumptions about his wants. That meant I had to be upfront with him.

“Gerald,” I called out as I stepped inside the apartment early one afternoon. I was home way earlier than usual thanks to a lack of focus.

It was mostly due to the talk we were about to have. I knew that once we discussed it, and I had an answer, I’d be able to focus. I’d either go back to the office or work from home to finish things up.

But again, all that relied on my ability to simply ask the man one question.

“Wes! What are you doing here? You’re so early.” His voice carried down the hall, along with the echo of his hurried steps.

I hadn’t meant to make him worry, though I couldn’t bring myself to feel guilty that he rushed to me. I loved that he came when I called.

---