Page 5 of Losing his Daddy

I mean, sure, it wasn’t perfect. Things would have been so much better if we could be out and open with the others. I didn’t think there would be any pushback since they weren’t all so close-minded as to not accept we loved one another. At least I hoped that was the case.

“You just told me this was terminal, anyway. Why would I want to fight against fate?”

“I told you we suspected it might be terminal. It’s not a final diagnosis.”

Clancy grumbled, “Then why the hell word it that way at all? Finish your damn tests, then come back with actual results. If it’s not terminal, I’ll look into treatment. But I can promise you I’m not going to be one of those experimental drug testing people. Terminal means terminal. I won’t push for more time only to suffer through it anyway.”

“I understand, Mr. Coleman. My apologies for all the confusion. We’ll need to run those tests this week. I’m hoping to have a final answer before the holiday. We should be able to get you home either way.”

The conversation ends after that, which only gave me a second to fix my face before the doctor exited. His eyes widened upon seeing me there.

I put a finger to my lips, then motioned for us to step away before he blew my cover. He led us to the nurses' station, then bowed his head.

“How much of that did you hear, Gerald?”

I scoffed. “More than enough. Terminal?”

He shook his head. “I told him I wouldn’t discuss this with you. All I can say is that I think you need to tell him you heard the conversation. I believe a lot of the decisions he’s making are based on only thinking of himself. Maybe remind him there’s a reason to keep pushing.”

The way he looked at me said he knew more than he’d let on. Whether it was because of eavesdropping like I’d been doing or because there was simply no way to deny our connection away from the ranch, I wasn’t sure.

“I understand, Dr. Ramsey. I’ll do what I can. Thank you for trying.” I shook my head as devastation moved through me, its clutches tight around the numbness I’d been using as a disguise.

At the door to Clancy’s room, I took a deep breath, then pushed the door open. He was scowling, but it shifted into a grin once he saw me.

“You get me something sweet?” He asked as he motioned to the honey bun I still held.

Nodding, I tossed it on his lap as I sunk into the chair beside the bed. He dug into the treat with gusto as I watched him.

His skin had lost some of its color since our arrival. The bags under his eyes were more pronounced than ever. And his hair, well, it had suffered the most. Those gorgeous locks were limp and messy from the lack of a proper shower.

“Terminal.”

The word echoed in the room. Clancy pulled the food from his lips and frowned at the door. When his gaze came to meet mine, I saw the resignation there. I wasn’t going to change his mind, no matter what I said.

“Did the doctor tell you? That’s a violation of my rights!”

I leaned forward. My linked hands pressed against his thigh on the edge of the bed. “It wasn’t the doctor. I could hear you through the door when I came back. Why, Clancy? Why are you giving up so easily?”

He pursed his lips. His gaze left mine as he turned his focus to the window. There wasn’t much to see from this side of the hospital, but you’d have thought it was fucking Van Gogh with how intent he was to not look away.

“I’m tired, Gerald. So damn tired. I’ve lost enough already. I don’t want to lose myself.”

The helplessness that tore through me was forceful enough I jerked in my seat. Even then, he didn’t look my way. It was like I wasn’t even here at all.

“What about...?” My throat went dry.

He didn’t try to finish my sentence. It was so different from the way he normally was with me that I didn’t know how to move forward.

When Clancy stepped into the role of Daddy all those years ago, it had initially been to experiment with the kink after we’d both been curious. It quickly evolved into something more. He was my support system. Everything in my life revolved around him, around us. I didn’t make a single decision without thinking about how it affected our dynamic.

And yet here he was, deciding to give it all up. To give everything up.

“You’ll find someone else,” he said softly after several beats of silence. “You’re young, Gerald. There’s someone else out there for you to love and live with. I’m closer to the grave than —"

“Don’t!”

He finally looked my way after I barked the command. Wide eyes met mine, a hint of the man I’d thought I’d known somewhere under this cold shell.

---