Page 44 of Losing his Daddy

His brow furrowed. “Why are you telling me all this?”

This was where it got dicey. I had no idea how he would handle the true depth of my feelings for him. Hell, I’d only just realized how solidly I wanted to bemorewith him earlier todaywhen I thought something was wrong. Before, it was only an inkling.

Now, it was like a roaring fire, all warm and welcoming. I couldn’t ignore it even if I tried.

“I’m telling you this because I hope that at some point you and I can explore the idea of more.”

His eyes widened as his body began to shake. “More?”

“Yes, more. Not like you’re used to though. Being submissive with me would be entirely different. There are things that would change and things that wouldn’t. You’ve already shown me that we complement each other quite well.”

“How do you mean?” He asked. “We haven’t… I haven’t…”

“Let me ask you this, why do you come eat lunch with me?”

He frowned. “Because you need to eat and if I don’t show up, I can’t always guarantee you’ve had enough.”

I waited a beat to let that sink in before I asked, “And the breakfast? And helping with errands that I don’t give you? There are several tasks that aren’t part of your job description that you take the initiative to handle.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. I like doing those things. I need to keep busy, and I enjoy knowing you’re taken care of.”

I shrugged. “You could always have someone else take care of it. There have to be better things than you waiting on me hand and foot.”

“No! I can do it. I… I want to do it,” he said with a frown.

“Have you heard of something called service submission or service orientation, Gerald?”

His lips slipped into a soft pout as he shook his head. “No. What’s that?”

“It’s when a person enjoys providing service to another, whether sexual or platonic, as a means of fulfillment. Service varies in what the act entails. In this instance, I believe you findpleasure in providing for me, both when I ask you to do a task and when you are proactive without my instruction.”

His muscles relaxed slowly. “You mean it’s not some weird thing?”

“Not at all,” I told him fervently. “There are loads of people in this world who enjoy completing a task. Sometimes service is sexual and other times it’s merely for the act of the work. It can involve monetary compensation, as we’ve been doing, or it can be done in scenes at a place like the club I attend. Does that all make sense so far?”

“It does.”

I rubbed my thumb over his knuckles. “Good. I’ve not personally had a service sub in the past, though I’ve seen several in passing or at parties. I would like to explore the idea of you embracing your desire to serve as a way for you to combat your addiction. There are several people in our community who have found their way from dangerous, dark places into the beauty that BDSM can be.”

Gerald licked his lips, sinking further into the couch. It was fascinating to watch him ponder through my words. I continued when he didn’t appear to have any questions.

“We wouldn’t change anything at first. All we would focus on was making sure you took the time to truly enjoy whatever service act you completed. The entirety of your day while working would be for you to evaluate how you feel. Is it making you happy? Are you bored and in constant need of things to fill your time? Does it bring about a numbness, like when you’d drink? Are you aroused? We’d catalogue those feelings and then together, we’d work through what the future looked like.”

“But what do you get out of it? You’re already paying me. Are you saying you want to do all this out of the goodness of your heart?”

I yanked on his hand, which, of course, caught him off guard. He tumbled forward, landing right in my arms.

“Did you not hear my earlier statement about wanting more with you? While I would love to dive in headfirst, I’m not going to neglect the fact that your only experience with kink was in a power dynamic relationship where you held very little control. If and when we decide to make this something more than you learning your desires, then I will show you just how strongly I want you. Always.”

Our breaths tangled. He was that close.

I watched as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, there was a renewed sense of wonder there. It lay beneath the pain, beneath the hurt. Still, it was strong enough for me to know we could find our way with a bit of patience.

“I think… I want to try. The self-evaluation thing, at least. I can’t say about the rest. When I took this job, I told myself I wouldn’t wind up in the same situation as last time. It was supposed to be a fresh start.”

His words weren’t meant to hurt, but they stung, nonetheless. I’d had a feeling he wouldn’t jump into my arms happily declaring us be together. In fact, I’d have been apprehensive had he done just that.

There was a slight part of me that had been hopeful though.

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