Page 88 of The Club

“Don’t call me that right now.”

“I’ll call you what I want. Now answer me. Why did it hurt you for me to make love to you tonight?”

“Because …” He trails off again, but I feel like he’s trying, so I let him take his time. Then he says, “I like for sex to take me out of myself, not into myself.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t want to explain it. I don’t want to talk about this!”

Rafael tries to get away from me. He tries really hard. He twists and writhes in my hold and does his best to elbow me like there’s some chance he’s escaping this bed.

“Let go!”

“No.”

He headbutts me so hard that light flashes through my vision. Pain explodes across my forehead. It loosens my grip just long enough for him to get a foot on the floor.

Furious, I scramble after him. I grab him around the waist and haul him back. I wrestle him down until he’s pinned under me. We’re front to front, my hard cock against his, my handsaround his neck. In the glow of the nightlight, I see his face contorted with fury. I’m sure mine looks the same.

I take my hands off his throat. I plant them on either side of his head. I don’t want to hurt him right now.

Rafael snarls, “Noah tried to make me talk to someone. She was the first person I killed. You want to keep trying?”

“Yes, I want to keep trying. If you want to try to kill me, go right ahead.”

He grabs for something on the nightstand. I think I’m about to get hit with the lamp or something, but he’s grabbed the lube. I knock it out of his hand. We’re not fucking right now.

“Now tell why it upset you for me to make love to you.”

Tears spill from Rafael’s eyes. I gently wipe them away, but more follow. I slide my arms under him and roll us onto our sides. Rafael turns in my arms. I don’t like it, but I can tell he needs to face away from me, so I let him. I tug him into me again, putting us back how we started.

This time, though, he’s willing to talk to me.

“It wasn’t you,” he whispers.

“I know.”

“It just … took me back. To how I was with him. How he taught me to act. The things he would say. The things he would make me say. How it made me think they were true when they weren’t.”

Ice moves through my blood. I knew, of course, that this was about something dark, but I didn’t expect it to be so specific.

At first I think he must mean someone from the Island, but all of those men came and went. Rafael said this mantaughthim.

I think about how he was at the Island, such a perfect little plaything. How all the men loved the way he acted.

Acted.

How he’d beentaught to act.

Beforethe Island.

He’s talking about the Collector.

Fuck.

I thought this man simply represented something for Rafael, but that’s not it. Not at all. This mangroomedRafael. This man did things that I can’t let myself think about.

But the worst thing he did maybe was make Rafael think it was love. Because that’s what this is really about.

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