Page 48 of A Sinner's Truth

I’m a coward. I wanted safe, when my whole life all I knew was danger. I wanted security. I wanted normal. All the things I’ll never have with you. No matter how much I love you and I know you love me too, your love for your family will always come first. And I’ll always be second choice.

James was different from anyone I’ve ever met. He was patient, kind. He never lost his temper or raised his voice. He was always calm and would listen to me talk for hours and hours. I should have known that he was too good to be true. No one is perfect.

By the time I found out who he was, it was too late. I’d already sealed my fate and his. And, well, yours too, I guess. Everything that’s happened is my fault. That one fantasy I wanted so desperately to believe in led me down a path I couldn’t find a way out of. You will never know how sorry I am. I didn’t know what to do. So I tried to forget about James, but then I found out I was pregnant. With his child.

I was forever tied to someone I didn’t even know. I was scared, and you so easily believed that it was yours. Why wouldn’t you? You loved me. Iwanted to take it all back. I wanted the baby to be yours, S, more than anything.

I confronted James. Told him I was pregnant, told him I knew who he was and what he was using me for. I threatened to tell you everything while knowing it’d ruin my life. Knowing what you’d do to him. I wanted him gone, but I was a coward. And I couldn’t tell you.

I slam the journal closed and stare at the statue above me. I feel the first tear run down my face. “What the fuck did you do, Shelli?” I whisper. “What the fuck did you do?”

But I don’t need her to answer me, because I already know.

She… had an affair? How? I would have known. I was always with her. Except I wasn’t. I was busy working, building a fucking life for us.

I push to my feet and kick at the statue. It doesn’t budge. My fist slams into the concrete, over and over again while tears stream down my face. Anger, grief, regret, so many fucking emotions take hold of me all at once. Until a pair of arms wraps around me and tugs me back.

“Stop.” Gio’s voice sounds from behind me.

“Let me the fuck go.” I shove at him. “You kept this from me. You knew all this time and didn’t fucking tell me? Fuck you, Gio.” I push at him again.

“I did it for you,” he says, his tone so irritatingly calm.

“For me?” I laugh. “This wasn’t for me. It was for you. You didn’t want to see what I’d do if I found out. What I was capable of doing.”

“Maybe.” He shrugs.

“She… How could she do this to us?” I fall to the ground. I feel like I’ve just lost her all over again. Except that’s not true. Because I never really fucking had her in the first place.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Despite Eloise’s best efforts to convince me to go back to the De Bellis mansion with her, I choose to carry on with my original plan for the day. It’s not my fault that Santo showed up drunk off his ass, talking about his dead fiancée.

He told me he’d come with me to my father’s office, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to have him there smelling like abar. I’m also not going to put my day on hold by waiting around for him. I’m notthatwife.

I understand his guilt. I do. But this push and pull he’s doing with me has to stop. He either wants to explore sex with me or not. I don’t care which it is. I’ve gone my whole life without good sex. I can continue to do so.

My mind replays the orgasms he’s already managed to drag out of me with just his fingers and tongue.Damn it. Why did he have to go and do that?

The Uber driver pulls to a stop in front of my father’s building. It’s a huge skyscraper. The nameSwanstares down at me in big red letters from across the top. My heart picks up speed as I exit the car and enter the building. I’m surprised when my security badge actually works. I was half-expecting my father to have completely blocked my entrance.

A crowd of people surrounds me as I ride the elevator up, yet I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I pull my phone from my bag, bring up Drew’s name, and type out a text.

Me:

Meet me in an hour, at the café near Swan headquarters.

Drew:

How do you know I’m not busy?

Me:

Are you?

Drew:

Never too busy for you, Mrs De Bellis.

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