Page 69 of Vegas Baby

Tears streaming down her face, she stared past him to the spot on the wall. “You. I’m in love with you.” He rocked back on his heels, his vision clouding, throat tightening until he could barely breathe. Inhaling, he dropped to the floor and clasped her cold hands. “Raina, please look at me.”

She shifted her gaze to his and his heart broke all over again. Every bit of outrage he’d experienced moments ago were stripped from his mind.

“I broke Article I of the contract. I fell in love with you. I love you, Xavier and that’s why this marriage no longer works for me the way it is. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. Never apologize for loving me. I’m the one who owes you the apology. I was stupid, so stupid to deny my feelings for you.” Despite all his careful designs to safeguard his heart, there was one inescapable fact, it hadn’t worked. He stood, fingers stroking along her cheek, thumb caressing the underside of her jaw. “Fuck the contract, I love you. Please don’t talk about leaving me again. You’re my wife, for better or for worse, and while this is about the worst it can get, we still have each other and a baby.”

“I’m ecstatic to still be carrying one child but no matter how lucky I am, I lost a child and it hurts so bad… I. I loved you and, well, you didn’t love me back. I was wrong, selfish, and…so sorry. I’m so sorry. It was too hard, too painful and when you said we had no delusions about our marriage, I couldn’t do it anymore. Couldn’t live with the uncertainty if I lost the second child, our marriage would end.”

“Fuck the contract.” Howler rocked her close to his chest. He’d done this, put her through all this heartache because he was too damn stubborn to admit he loved her. Well, he vowed to spend the rest of his life telling her. “We’re married, and I have every intention of staying that way, no matter what happens. I wish I could make it all go away for you, but I can’t. No matter what anyone tells you, time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it lessens the pain.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Raina thumbed through her phone, anything to distract her from the trauma of the past twenty-four hours. She clicked on an email link from Howler and the video of her Vegas wedding popped up. Clicking on the video, she watched her drugged-up-self on screen. As each second passed, her humiliation rose. She’d been shameless that night, her hands all over Howler, hugging his arm, her nipples in the skimpy nightgown clearly visible.

“I’ve always dreamed of getting married by M.J. Let’s get married and live happily-ever-after,” video Raina said, eyes bright as she dragged him to the alter.

“What are you watching?” Howler asked, padding barefoot into the living room, a cup of tea in hand.

Her heart in her throat at being caught watching it, she clicked off the video. Mortification sent a rush of nausea to her stomach and she placed a hand on her rounded belly. The implications of those three words, Happily-Ever-After. She bit her lip, her mind spinning with a jumble of thoughts about the video, each one more disturbing than the last.

“A video.” She tucked her phone into the pocket of her sweatshirt and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, trying to process the information.

“What video?” Howler handed her the tea, dark circles under his eyes. He looked as tired as she felt, his jaw shaded with a day’s growth of beard. They’d returned home from the hospital a few hours before and he’d only left her side long enough to call his office and make her some tea. She was grateful for his attentiveness. With him close by, the emotional pain of her loss wasn’t as acute.

Yet she could sense by his subdued manner, he wasn’t having an easy time of it himself. She cradled the cup. The heat warmed her cold hands but her entire body was chilled to the bone. “Grams really should market this tea,” she said, changing the subject on purpose.

Coward.

Howler slipped onto the couch, his arm coming about her shoulders. She leaned into his solid frame and lifted the hot liquid to her parched lips.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, kissing her temple.

She snuggled deeper into his chest and pressed her ear to his heart, calmed by the steady beat. “Sad and grateful at the same time. How about you?”

“The same with a little bit of exhaustion mixed in. You should probably go to bed. You’ve been up all night,” he said on a yawn.

“I should but there’s something I have to confess and I’m fairly certain you’re going to be pissed by the time I’m done.” While she wanted to deny the fallout of her actions outright, the truth was there in her phone and now in her mind.

“I don’t know if I like the sound of that,” he said, his warm chuckle reverberating in his chest. “But go on.”

She looked up and studied his profile, careful not to tip her tea cup. “Do you remember the video Veer took of our wedding? The one you forwarded to me?”

“How could I forget? It’s not every day you get married by M.J.”

“No, it’s not.” Raina took another small sip of tea before she rested the cup on her knee. What she was about to say was humiliating but she needed to come clean, no matter how difficult it proved. “I just watched the video and I realized a few things that I’m not proud of.”

He cocked his head and raised one brow. “Okay, now I’m intrigued.”

Raina searched her mind for the best way to articulate the conclusions she’d drawn. She hadn’t understood what motivated her in Vegas but after seeing the video, everything was clear. “Are you familiar with Freud’s theory on dreams?”

“Vaguely. Dreams are wishes or something along those lines. Did you have an erotic dream about me? Because we can act out whatever little fantasy you’d like. Once you’re up for it, of course.”

She elbowed him in the ribs and rolled her eyes. “Dreams are your inner desires unfulfilled. I don’t remember that night, so this is only a theory. I was sleep-walking; therefore, I was living out a dream. I, um…I lied when I said I didn’t notice you in the coffee shop that first day we met. I noticed you, and after we met, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I bet you never thought I’d say that.”

“Nope, never in a lifetime. You were the biggest bitch to me.” He lifted her hand to play his thumb across the back of it, his touch light and soothing.

“And you were an asshole to me. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t attracted to you and therein lies the crux of the matter. I didn’t want to be attracted to you because…” she inhaled, knowing what she was about to disclose would spark his temper and he’d have every right to be angry. “Because you were right. I thought you were like Miller.”

---