Page 46 of Levi

“I wholeheartedly agree. In high school, I had a friend whose father used to beat her and her mother. She would come to school with bruises all over her body that she tried to hide, but oneday in gym class it was impossible to hide them. A teacher finally called the police, and CPS took her away from her parents; her grandparents raised her after that. Sadly, I never saw her again after that incident, but one of our teachers told us what happened, and I still remember her telling us girls to never let a man raise his hand to us. That stuck with me when my ex hit me.”

“I’m glad that teacher was able to make an impact on you. It’s heartbreaking to see women stay in abusive relationships because they’re afraid to leave. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

“That’s why you were so emotional about getting the cabin.”

“Yes. I haven’t met many good people before coming here.” He took her hand in his and kissed her palm. “There are a lot of good people in Clifton and that’s why I decided to stay here.”

She touched his cheek. “I’m so glad you did.”

“Kinley, I want to spend my life with you…”

“But?”

He sighed. “I’d get married but, I will not have kids.”

“Ever?”

“No. I told you about the alcohol, but I didn’t tell you how bad it got. Every weekend, I’d get so drunk that I’d pass out. It was the only way to keep my mind off the things I’d been through. At first, during the week, my job kept me too busy to think about it, and I’d be so tired by the time I was finished, I’d fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. But I had weekends off and I’d drink.” He shook his head. “I haven’t had a drink in twenty-five years. I started drinking at sixteenand drank for a year. I was good at hiding it until Mr. Brown found me passed out in the barn one weekend. Deep down, I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t care. Alcohol made me forget everything, especially the pain of losing my mother to that bastard andhowI lost her. Mr. Brown got me through it. He was a recovering alcoholic. He knew the signs and the path I was heading down. I was on my way to becoming an alcoholic. I knew when I started craving it any time of the day that’s where I was headed. He helped me quit drinking, though it was hard, but because of him, I made it. He was more a father to me than the monster whose name is on my birth certificate.”

“But why won’t you have kids?”

“Because I have that bastard’s blood running through my veins. What if I turn out to be just like him?”

“I don’t believe that would happen.”

Levi shrugged. “I’m not taking that chance. I know I’d neverwantto raise my hand to you or a child, but I don’t know what I’d do in a fit of rage.” He looked at her. “I have a bad temper. Just like him.”

“You arenothinglike him,” she said.

“I will not take that chance.”

“Where do we go from here, Levi?”

“That’s totally up to you. If you want me to leave you alone, I’ll walk out that door and you’ll never see or hear from me again, but I hope you don’t want that. I love you, and I’d love to have you in my life, but kids are out of the question. I don’t drink now, and I don’t want to hurt anyone, but who knows? As much as I hate it, he is myfather. His father was abusive and so was his grandfather. As I said, you’ll never convince me otherwise and I won’t chance it. At this point in my life, even after all I’ve been through, I don’t want a drink. It doesn’t appeal to me at all anymore, but anything could change all that. If something tragic happened in my life, who knows how I’d react. It’s not that I’d want a drink, it’s that I would remember how it eased my pain, and I have learned to control my temper, but I can’t sit here and say I’d never hurt anyone when I don’t know what would happen if I did get drunk over something that happened.”

“I don’t believe it’s hereditary.”

“I’ve looked into it and researchers have found thatviolence does often pass from parent to child, creating a cycle of abuse, though they say it isn’t hereditary. So, I can’t-won’ttake that chance.”

“I’m sorry,” Kinley said softly.

“For what?”

“For everything you’ve gone through.” She shook her head and looked at him with tears in her eyes and it about brought him to his knees.

“I’m sorry, too.”

“For what?”

“Not being able to give you what you want.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Youare what I want.”

“Are you saying you’d be alright without having kids?”

She stared into his eyes. “I did want to have kids one day, but I don’t want to lose you.” She shrugged. “If we don’t have kids, I’d still have you.”

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