Page 84 of My Best Years

Birdie affectionately skims her trembling hands up my chest before cupping my shoulders. I never want her to stop touching me. I never want this feeling to go away.

“Ask me again.” Her tone is hoarse. Low and full of need.

I tighten my fingers in her hair and lean in until our breaths mingle, overcome with emotion by what she’s asking of me.

I never thought there would come a day when I would have Birdie in my arms again. I thought I would die with her memory inked into my skin and my heart buried in her chest.

I never thought I would see the love of my life again.

And that’s why I don’t hesitate before uttering the same words I did when we were seventeen.

“Can I kiss you, Birdie Wren?”

TWENTY-THREE

Birdie

Can I kiss you, Birdie Wren?

I answer his question the same way I did the very first time he asked me. I slide my hands up the nape of his neck and tangle my fingers in his onyx curls. His sapphire gaze lowers to my lips as he nudges the tip of his nose against mine. I inhale his weighty breaths as he exhales mine.

For a few seconds, we just breathe each other’s air. Our limbs trembling with years of need.

His flutter closed the second I close the distance between us.

Our lips connect for the first time in over a decade.

We groan in unison as our mouths part and slide, falling into an effortless rhythm.

Everything I knew before—every kiss I’ve had before—disappears as Callum takes my bottom lip between his teeth. He sucks on my soft flesh as my fingers anchor into his hair.

The only kisses I ever want to remember are with Cal. Ourfirst, our last, and everything in between. His lips are like magic, slowly healing my open wounds.

In the weeks after meeting Callum at Captain Ray’s, I’ve thought about this exact moment more times than I’d like to admit. I thought about what it would be like to kiss him again, to feel his rough hands roaming every inch of my skin.

Despite our past, I know what I want.

Wanting Callum has never been an option for me. When it comes to us, our connection is an inevitable force that not even fate could break. An undying fire in the pit of my stomach that never burns out.

But as much as my body yearns for Callum, I also have to think about my heart.

The morning after we left Captain Ray’s, I woke up with a giddy feeling in my chest. It was a sensation I hadn’t felt since high school. I wanted nothing more than to send him a text just to say good morning. But for this to work, I knew taking my time was necessary.

I needed time to process everything he revealed to me. I needed time to understand that it’s okay for me to feel empathy for him while also remembering how severely he broke my heart.

That’s why I waited two weeks to ask him if he wanted to get coffee with me. For fourteen days, I let myself relive the excruciating pain of him disappearing the day after I gave him all of me. It was a solemn reminder of what could happen again if I let him back in my life.

What scares the shit out of me is that I don’t think I would survive losing him a second time.

But the way I’ve been living scares me more than anything. I’ve been running away from suppressed feelings and carrying around a shattered heart filled with shards of broken glass.

Do I believe what Callum told me about his past?

Yes, every single word.

But am I naïve enough to think there’s no chance he would leave me again?

I honestly don’t know.I would like to think that I’m not.

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