Page 64 of My Best Years

“Fair,” he mutters before taking a bite. He rips the pastry between his teeth in a way that shouldn’t be as sexy as it is.

“Exactly,” I say, puffing up my chest.

Before I knew what happened to Callum, I had every right to be cold to him. Anyone in my position would have acted the same way. Even though I feel like shit now, I could have never prepared myself for the trauma that Callum experienced. Something as terrible as his father beating him half to death didn’t even cross my mind.

Callum immediately notices when my smile falters. Without needing to ask, he knows where my mind is going. Despite how badly he broke my heart, Callum knows how much it kills me that I wasn’t there for him…that I didn’t try harder to find him when he left.

“You know I’m just messing with you,” he redirects. His tone is playful, clearly wanting to keep the mood light. “Do you have any pets?”

I take a long sip of my coffee before replying.

“I would love to get a dog, but I move around so much for my job. I don’t know… I just feel like my career is so chaotic. I wouldn’t be able to give a pet much attention. And on top of that, they would have to acclimate to a new home each time I move or live with my parents during my contracts.”

He scrunches his brows together in curiosity.

“That makes sense…” he pauses. “But if you don’t mind me asking, why do you move around so much?”

“I don’t mind,” I shake my head. “I’m a travel nurse, so it’s part of the job. Since my contracts span between two to four months, I budget enough to take some time off between assignments. I usually go home to Myrtle Beach and stay with my parents during my breaks.”

His breathing halts at the mention of Myrtle Beach.

A place that was home to him for so long, but also his own personal hell.

Silence passes between us as Callum takes a swig ofcoffee and regains his composure. My breath quickens as I watch his large hands wrap around the mug, swallowing it whole.

“It’s pretty cool that you get to travel for your job,” he says. “But what made you choose a career where you move around so much? Did you not want to stay in one place?”

I take a moment to think, smoothing out the napkin in my lap before meeting his stare.

“I don’t know…” I sigh. “At first, I took the job because it sounded fun. But the older I get, I think I do it because I’m constantly running. I love Myrtle Beach; it will forever be my home. But if I stay there for too long… I start to feel like I’m drowning in sadness. Everything reminds me of what it used to be.”

My heart thuds against the confines of my chest as I debate my next sentence.

“I…” I trail off. “I can hardly watch a school bus pass by without feeling sick.”

Callum’s entire body seems to go still at my words. His eyes flick between mine, looking like the sea on a cold December day.

Anyone but us would think it’s ridiculous to let something as mundane as a school bus send you into a depressive spiral. But I know that Callum understands exactly what I’m saying. I’m willing to bet he also has to look away when he sees a yellow bus drive by.

“So, when I’ve had my fill of home,” I continue, “I run away to the next city for work. And when my contract is over, and it’s time to come home, I miss that little coastal town with every fiber of my being. It’s become a cycle for me.”

His shoulders slump as he nods in understanding.

“I know exactly what you mean,” he mutters.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he breathes. “After living in New York, I movedhere because it reminded me of Myrtle Beach. But it was also a fresh start because it doesn't hold the memories of my father.”

He inhales a shaky breath before continuing.

“It also kept me away from you, where I thought you would be safe. Over the years, I thought about driving back to South Carolina countless times. I just wanted to catch a glimpse of your face and make sure you were okay.”

If he only knew how many nights I dreamed of him coming back to me, only to wake in a puddle of tears.

“You’ve never been back? Not even once?”

“No,” he shakes his head. “And even if I did go back, I couldn’t stomach driving past my old house. I never want to see that hell hole again.”

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