Page 93 of My Best Years

Even with my accusatory screams and cursing, Andy was still able to pick up on how much Callum means to me.

“His name is Callum,” I mutter, turning to face him. “We grew up together.”

The least I can do is give Callum a name after accusing him of being a deranged stalker and getting him barred from the hospital. I still feel like shit for how I rejected him in the parking lot that night, treating him like a heartless criminal.

“I figured there was some history between you two,” Andy nods.

I don’t know why I’m opening up to Andy about Callum, but it feels nice to talk to someone other than Winnie about our relationship.

Andy is a complete outsider when it comes to me and Callum. He didn’t know us as kids like Winnie, so he has no biases. All he sees are two people who are painfully in love with each other.

“He, uh… He hurt me really bad,” I croak. “Not physically or anything like that,” I quickly clarify, “but emotionally, he wrecked me. And the night that he showed up at the hospital… That was rock bottom for us. I’m sorry that you had to be a part of that, Andy. I’m sorry that I lied to you about him. I just started seeing him again, which was after you met him. We definitely werenottalking then. Honestly, I never thought I would talk to him again after that night. But…here we are.”

I’m word vomiting now, talking a mile a minute and spewing out explanations that Andy didn’t ask for.

Oh, the joys of being a people pleaser.

“Hey,” Andy holds his hands up in surrender. “You don’t have to apologize to me. That was the best damn entertainment I’ve had in a while.”

I roll my eyes and place a hand on my hip.

“Really, Andy?” I chuckle. “Well, I’m glad that my tumultuous relationship amuses you.”

He throws his head back and lets out a deep laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“I’m just messin’ with you, kid,” he pushes out, trying to catch his breath. When he clears his throat, his voice lowers to a more serious tone.

My gaze zeros in on his, knowing that he’s about to give me some words of wisdom. He always does when he gets quiet like this.

“I don’t know much about love,” he breathes. “I’ve had two marriages, both of which ended in divorce. But I know a bit about life, and when you find a person that makes you a little crazy, that’s not always a bad thing. What’s a life that doesn’t challenge you once in a while? That sounds like a boring existence to me.”

My eyes flick between his, holding his stare as I digest every word.

“What I’m trying to say is,” he adds, “I’ve never chased after a woman like that. As pathetic as it sounds, I’ve never found anyone who makes the hard times worth the good. It’s rare to find someone who will fight for you, Birdie. And he was fighting for you, unashamedly, in a hospital parking lot. As long as he treats you right, you should give yourself a chance to be happy. And if he doesn't, then you just send him my way. I’ll deal with him.”

A small chuckle falls from my lips as I lift a hand to rub away the water blurring my vision.

“Thanks, Andy. I’ll be sure to tell him that,” I snicker. “But really, thank you. That means a lot.”

When his eyes lower to my quivering chin, he carefullywraps an arm around my shoulder and brings me in for a side hug.

“Alright, kiddo,” he sighs against the top of my head. “No more of this sappy stuff. I don’t want to send you off crying after a long shift. Go home and get some rest.” He gives my shoulder a warm squeeze before releasing me.

I contemplate his words the entire drive to my apartment.

At sixty-five years old, Andy still hasn't found that once-in-a-lifetime kind of love that people long for. And suddenly, it hits me that some people go through life without ever finding their person. Without ever experiencing the kind of all-consuming, indescribable love that I have with Callum.

Andy’s right. Loving someone is like a mountain range full of crests and valleys. The droughts may feel scarce and dim, but God, when you see the view from the peak, it makes every grueling step to the top worth it.

How lucky am I to have found Callum not just once, but twice in one lifetime?

I’ve been carrying around a sense of shame for letting him back in after he disappeared, leaving me broken for so many years. At first, I felt weak for even giving him the time of day. But as each day passes, I realize how strong I am.

Giving my heart back to Callum is single-handedly my biggest fear because he is the only person with the power to crush it between his fingers.

I’ve experienced heartbreak. I’ve experienced loss. I know how devastating rock bottom feels. And even though I’m scared of going back to that place, I’m tired of running in reverse. I’m so fucking tired of living in the past, hoping that a memory of Callum will give me enough serotonin to make it through the day.

I don’t have to survive off of the memories anymore.My blind faith is telling me that we finally have a chance to pave a new path together. A route that doesn't end in heartbreak.

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