Page 59 of D-Day

Her tantalizing mouth formed in his mind. A mouth he was dying to taste.

If he was ever presented with the opportunity—like that was ever going to happen—he wouldn’t hesitate to take what he wanted. With an unraveling sigh, he thought about how herlips would part for the caress of his tongue, and he would lose himself in tactile madness. He would seduce her with slow, deep, drugging kisses, the kind that gradually increased in heat and tempo until he was claiming her mouth with a fierce, hungry demand that would make her melt. She would shiver and moan as he slid his hands down?—

He cut off those thoughts, knowing that he was giving himself a hard-on that was going to result in a pair of blue balls. Speaking of that, he better get back inside before he froze those blue balls. Kitty had said something about some hot apple cider and warm chocolate chip cookies. Yeah, that sounded more real than his fantasy.

He shifted and his ribs protested, and the thoughts that crowded him from the recent mission still troubled him. He’d been offered counseling after he had healed enough to focus on more than his pain and recovery but just thinking about the situations that drove his actions made him feel as if he were betraying an unspoken code of sacrifice.

But he knew from his psychology background that not dealing with shit was a recipe for disaster.

SEALs didn’t discuss their missions…their classified missions. They operated as a team, and he had been trained to be self-reliant as both a SEAL, and a corpsman. He had the tools to deal with stress, compartmentalizing the pain so he could continue to operate. Dealing with his shortfalls during the previous mission made him feel inadequate, and for some reason, he couldn’t seem to shake it. There were times when his oath to preserve life through medicine clashed with his taking of lives in defense of his country. Warrior first, medic second. He trained with his teammates for battle, bandaged them in combat, and when he could, made them laugh a little at the irony of what they did and life in general. Joker had put them in for a medal, and he guessed that the hardest and most hauntinglabel he’d ever had to deal with was…hero. He was all for it for D-Day and Buck and was gratified that Helen was up for both the Navy’s Distinguished Civilian Service Award and The Presidential Medal of Freedom. She deserved them. If it hadn’t been for her…he didn’t want to consider the alternative. It was too horrifying.

Fucking medals. He didn’t diminish them, and he would accept the one he was up for to honor his CO, his teammates, and his country, not for his own edification. There was a razor thin line between a hero and a fool. Yet honor, courage, and commitment were the base from which he worked. Hoo-yah! For team and country, he would do anything, even push all that bother to a compartment that was full to the brim. Ignore and override.

As he opened the door to the warm inside of the big ranch house, he paused again, the fleeting warmth of her mouth pressed to his, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he hadn’t been dreaming.

Ah, what were the odds he would ever see her again?

Nada. Nonexistent.

He sighed in regret as the door closed behind him.

Christmas Daydawned with a heavy snowfall, and he and Helen settled in the window seat, sipping hot chocolate and watching the snow fall. She looked a little sad, and he slipped his finger under her chin. “Hey, what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”

“I was just thinking about Greg, and the colleagues I lost, feeling so humble and thankful to have you here, your whole team, and my brother. I’m so blessed.”

Brushing back the tangled hair around her face, he said, his voice gruff, “You don’t have to hold back with me, Helen. I know all about losing colleagues. Talk to me, darlin’”

She stared at him for several moments, then she rubbed her upper arms and looked away. Finally, she said, her voice soft and uneven. “I should have been with my medical team, but I was tired and burned out.” Suddenly Helen sounded very fragile and very shaky, and she closed her eyes, clenching her jaw against raw emotions. “I just wanted some time home, some peace, so I said I was ill when I wasn’t. I lied. But I couldn’t find peace. I couldn’t even find who I was.”

He watched her face, cupped her jaw as it hardened against some unpleasant memory, saw the anger in her so-blue eyes and the vulnerability that lay beneath it, and his heart ached for her. Guilt was a tough taskmaster.

“All my attention and focus had been on the outside world. It was nothing but distraction, and I overextended myself. It was no surprise that I was burned out.” Framed in the faint illumination from the window, she stared at him, her expression stricken. “Then there was you. I walked into my bedroom and found this wounded Adonis, larger than life, fresh from battle, and so beautifully deep as the ocean and sweet, and shy in many ways.” She swallowed hard.

He reached out and clasped the back of her neck, remembering that electrifying moment. “I was a goner the moment you walked in,” he said.

She gave him a soft smile. “I’ve always been independent and wild. Buck, I’m sure, can tell you so many stories about how I was so reckless.”

He shook his head, giving her a wry grin. “I love those stories, and they scare the shit out of me,” he said.

She gave a shrug, and he caught a trace of amusement in her eyes. “I was always looking for adventure and craved it. Atfirst, you were an outlet. I needed you for the pleasure and the simplicity of one-on-one contact. I knew you were safe because you were a SEAL, and you couldn’t put demands on me. You had a job to do.”

D-Day exhaled heavily. “Somewhere along the way that all changed.”

She nodded, cupping his jaw. “I didn’t tell you that to hurt you. I told you because I wanted you to know the impact you made on my life.”

“I know you didn’t,” he said.

Her eyes went so tender, his throat ached. “Little did I know I was in limbo, feeling deprived and losing contact with everything. I never lived in the present. I’m always looking to the future for something more, like I can’t get enough, and even when I have it, I just want more.”

“And now?”

“I’m so content and happy. I quit Doctors for the World. I’m going to split my time between travel nursing in San Diego, and the ranch. That kind of nursing allows me such variety. I’d work outside of hospitals in clinics, retirement communities, mental health organizations, and nursing homes. They’re temporary assignments, so I can pick and choose. That will give me the freedom I need to breed a new kind of flashy cutter.”

He grinned. “That sounds awesome.” A tantalizing aroma wafted up through the vents. “Oh, my God. Those are my mom’s cinnamon rolls. We don’t want to miss those,” she squealed and went to get off the window seat.

He grabbed her arm. The ring that was burning a hole in the pocket of his pajama pants shifted as he reached in and snagged it. He bought it after he landed, knowing that this was his Christmas to both her and himself. “Wait, there, hellion.”

She paused and looked back at him. His face must have given something away, because she looked both giddy andapprehensive. “I’m telling you. My brothers and sister will inhale them. And your whole team, and the SEAL babes. We have to get down there in a hurry.”

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