Page 39 of D-Day

D-Day leaned back and crossed his ankle over his knee. “So, mate, I’ve heard a tantalizing rumor.”

Lando rubbed at his temple and replied wearily, cringing as if his head ached.

Serves you right, you bastard.“That you’ve got something I would definitely want.”

“What rumor?” Lando asked, his bloodshot eyes narrowing as he took a deep draught of the coffee.

“That you are in possession of some nuclear triggers. That would be some profitable merchandise.”

“They’re not for sale,” Lando snapped. “They’re earmarked for another buyer.”

Something eased in D-Day. So, he had them and they hadn’t been turned over yet. That was good news. “Good on ya, mate. I heard six. Couldn’t you say two were lost in transit?”

Lando opened his mouth, then closed it, his expression going sly. “What exactly would you pay for two?”

“Name your price.”

“Hmm, let me think about it. The buyers expect six, but I might be able to convince them that two were lost. But if they find out I swindled them, they’ll kill all of us.”

D-Day shrugged. “No one has to know.”

Lando grunted in response and D-Day let it go for now.

Lando looked around. “Where’s your sidekick?”

“He’s around here somewhere.” D-Day bluffed. He had no intention of giving away the fact that Zorro and Buck were no longer here to back him up.

Lando finished his coffee. “Feel free to use the shower and change your clothes,” Lando said, wrinkling his nose.

D-Day was sure he was rank, and he nodded at the invitation. Lando shuffled out of the room, and he sat there wondering how Buck and Zorro were doing. But this mission was his priority, and the moment Lando revealed where those triggers were, he was taking them and getting Helen the hell out of there.

Helen. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, feeling weary. Even as she slept so peacefully against him, he couldn’t help as a revelation crashed into him.

Buck knew all about them and he was okay with it. D-Day had to wonder if he’d been reluctant to talk to Buck about it because he sensed that Buck would never judge him unfairly, that if he knew he had genuine feelings for Helen, he would simply tell him that he was okay with it, but if D-Day hurt her, he had a huge spread of land in Wyoming and there was plenty of lime and shovels.

He thought it had been Buck and the SEAL Code that had been holding him back, but now he knew that wasn’t true. There was no more barrier to him seeking out a relationship with Buck’s sister. Yet his reluctance to pursue the relationship was completely opposite to his hope of having her in his life. But if he was going to fully commit to her, she had a right to know about his past and why he had no family contact.

He winced against the rush of memories that moved through his mind like a strobe light—fists flying at him as he was held so tightly, helpless to stop the blows that landed with punishing pain that soon turned into agony. The taste of bitter betrayal mingling with the metallic blood in his mouth. The bindings around his wrists and how they chaffed, how he shivered in the night, naked, bleeding, beaten, and in shock. The humiliation, the media coverage, and the shame that still dogged him after eight years of living with it, telling no one about it, and hiding like a coward so that he wouldn’t have to see the look on his teammates’ faces when they found out. He often lived in fear that they would discover what happened and lose all respect for him like his family had. He didn’t think he would survive the same ostracization from his brothers as he had from his family. The team meant everything to him. He had found men like him, who understood his need to be a warrior, right wrongs because that was what burned inside him. He couldn’t lose them, not to that one terrible teenage incident that had ruined his life.

He also didn’t think he could take Helen looking at him differently, with pity, or disappointment, or loss of respect. She was a noble person, and he wasn’t sure he was worthy of such a woman.

And that was the crux of the problem. He burned with shame, his whole body hot from the one emotion he’d never been able to eradicate.

Secrets died hard.

And his secret was a whopper.

It had destroyed his life, destroyed his relationship with his family, and left him alone, hurting, and aching for relief from the unrelenting mortification that incident elicited.

It had been years since he’d even allowed all the crap from high school to affect him, or so he thought. He now wondered if the drinking and the fighting were coming out for anotherreason, a reason he buried deep down inside him, a residual of unresolved feelings and lack of closure.

Terrified that was exactly what was happening, he shifted on the sofa.

He went to the window, staring out wishing the hole in his gut would go away, wondering what the hell was the matter with him. He was in love with Helen, and they could be together. He should be ecstatic. But he wasn’t.

He was playing big-time games with himself if he thought he could move forward without first dealing with the past. They could never be friends, and there was no way he was going to string along a woman like that. Never.

Looking away, he swallowed hard, his eyes suddenly burning. He would never be the same if he lost Helen, and the fear inside him at the loss made him understand that he couldn’t have both—Helen and his secret.

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