Page 106 of Daughters of Chaos

It was horrifying.

That feeling that they'd win, that I'd falter after fighting so long, was the scariest feeling of my life. I'd never felt fear like that before, not even when Nix took off on her own and went to find Viper in Phoenix. What I felt then was more anger than anything. Anger I was used to. Anger was my constant companion, but fear . . . That was new.

I was truly afraid for the first time in my life as I lay on that dirty floor, thinking Dom was coming for me for the last time. My body was spent, and my mind was crumbling. That's when the fear seeped in. That's when I thought it was over.

Seeing Reaper and Jesse seemed like a hallucination. Something my mind made up to save me from the horrors that were about to befall me. But the horrors never came. Dom and his guys didn't get to me because I'd been saved. I felt safe and warm when Reaper pulled me into his arms, carrying me out of the darkness. My hero had come for me at last.

When I blacked out, I wasn't sure if I'd imagined it or if they'd truly come to save me, but it didn't matter. I needed something to cling to in the darkness. So, as he carried me from my prison, that's what I did—I held on to the illusion that I'd been saved—and just like that, my fear started to slip away.

It's over. Our nightmare is over, the Bastards have been dealt with, and we're safe. I didn't realize my eyes were closed until I opened them to find the water finally running clear at my feet. My pulse is still racing after my trip down memory lane, but Reaper doesn't mention it as he continues cleaning me.

His calloused hands make gentle work of it as he takes his time washing every inch of my skin. When I look at him over my shoulder, his jaw is clenched tight as he zeroes in on the bruises along my back. He still blames himself for my abduction, and I'm not sure anything I say will change that, but I have to try.

"Hey," I say softly, turning in his arms. "None of that."

His eyes meet mine, and I feel his chest heaving against me. He knows what I mean, but that doesn't mean he'll cooperate. I take his face in my hands and hold fast as I tell him, "You are the reason I'm standing here safe and sound. I won't let you beat yourself up over something none of us could control."

His eyes search mine as his lips thin. Before he can argue, I add with conviction, "It's not your fault. None of it is your fault, and I won't let you blame yourself for it any longer. The Bastards wouldn't have stopped until they took one of us. We all know that. They would have come back again and again until they succeeded. Stop blaming yourself because I don't."

Reaper shakes his head. "If we'd dealt with them sooner—"

"You did," I tell him. "You did deal with them. Thanks to you, none of them will ever hurt anyone ever again."

"If we did something sooner, though, you wouldn't have—"

I shake my head. "Stop. Just stop." I pull his face closer to mine as I drive my point home. "I forgive you." My words register, making his eyes widen. "I forgive you for whatever mistakes you think you made. I forgive you. Now, it's time you forgive yourself because I won't let those fuckers take anything else from us. Will you?"

Water pelts my back as I wait for his reply. For several long minutes, Reaper stays silent. His face contorts as he struggles with my request. It's the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. His chest expands with every harsh breath he takes before something inside him cracks.

His eyes are glassy as he nods his head. "They can't have anything else," he says quietly. "Never again."

"Never again," I repeat, pulling him closer. "Never again."

Our lips meet as Reaper's hand cups my neck gently. The kiss is deep and slow, unlike any we've shared before. This gentle, vulnerable side of him breaks something inside of me. It's like a wall falls down around my heart, exposing me like never before. It terrifies and thrills me all at once.

Emotions I've never felt before bubble to the surface, and a certain word comes to mind. Love. This is love; that’s what I'm feeling.

It's real, and it's new, and fucking terrifying. I love him. Reaper—the moody, broody, asshole enforcer—I love him. And if I'm reading him right, he feels the same about me. He doesn't do gentle or soft or vulnerable, not ever. But he is now. He is for me.

63

Raven

The first half of the drive back to Phoenix passes in a blur as Nix and I talk quietly in the back of one of the vans. She’s curious about what happened to me, and as much as I don't want to scar her, I know I can't lie.

I keep some of my descriptions vague, hoping she won't be traumatized by what I went through, but I answer every question she has. My sister has proven she’s tougher than I gave her credit for. Who am I to say she can't handle the truth anymore?

I won't keep it from her ever again. We've all seen how detrimental that can be. Keeping her in the dark will only put her at risk, and I’m not willing to do that again, not if we’re making Arizona our permanent home.

I look over at Reaper on the other side of the van. His eyes are glued to me, watching me with an intensity that I feel deep in my bones. That look used to irritate me and drive me to pick a fight with the intimidating enforcer. Now? Now that look bothers me in an entirely different way.

Yeah, Arizona is definitely permanent now.

Even if Nix hadn't started planting roots, I doubt I'd be able to leave now. I've started to grow fond of this place and the people here. I have a life and friends and family here—a family that would burn the world down to make sure I lived to see another day.

It’s a strange realization. Only months ago, I couldn't wait to leave. I hated this place so much that I would have hopped in my car and never looked back, but now? Now, this place and these people are as much a part of me as anything has ever been.

My eyes focus on Reaper and my stomach does a strange flip.That'ssomething else I can't run from—these new feelings I've developed for him. He went into a den of wolves and took on a pack of crazed psychopaths for me. If that doesn't scream, "Touch her and die."I don't know what does.

---