Page 79 of The Sword & the Stone

Galahad passed out portions of the provisions we'd been given. Bread that tasted like herbs and butter, dried sweet fruits, cheese, and strips of dried meat that smelled faintly of smoke and sage. Merlin busied himself with brewing tea.

I accepted a steaming cup from him, murmuring my thanks. The warmth seeped into my hands, but it did little to thaw the chill that had settled in my chest. I couldn't bring myself to meet the eyes of my knights, focusing instead on the hypnotic dance of the magical flames.

Lancelot cleared his throat, the sound jarring in the tense silence. "Arthur, we need to talk about this."

I looked up from the flames. I wanted to lose myself in those eyes, to forget the ache in my chest, but I couldn't. Not now.

"What's there to talk about?" I said rather than asked, my voice low and carefully controlled. "You've made your decision. I understand."

"It's not that simple. We've sworn oaths to protect you and to serve you until you’re securely on the throne of Camelot, but it doesn’t mean we’ll stop caring for you, or your safety. We’ll always protect you."

"Doesn't it?" I countered, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice. "You'll be worlds away, in a realm more beautiful than I could ever hope to create in Albion. How exactly do you plan to protect me from there?"

Percival leaned forward, accepting a mug of tea from Merlin. "We could visit. We can use portals to travel between realms, to check on you?—"

"To check on me?" I interrupted, my temper flaring. I laughed bitterly. "Like I'm some helpless child who needs looking after? No, I don’t think so,Percival.” He flinched and for a moment, I almost felt bad. I cleared my throat. “No. What I’ll have to do is replace you.”

The words hung in the air, heavy and sharp. Gawain's mug clattered against his teeth as he froze mid-sip. Lancelot's eyes flashed, a mix of hurt and anger swirling in their golden depths.

"Replace us?" Lancelot spat. "You can't be fucking serious."

I met his gaze, steeling myself against the pain I saw there. "What choice do I have? I need knights and protectors. If you're leaving, I'll have to find others."

Merlin cleared his throat, his blue eyes bright with concern. "Arthur, maybe we should consider alternatives. The bonds between you and your knights?—"

"Bonds?" I scoffed, interrupting whatever his placating lies were about to feed me. The word tasted bitter on my tongue. "There are nobonds, Merlin. Maybe there could have been, if we’d been given half a chance, but now that I know I’m ultimately going back to Camelot alone, I realize it was stupid of me to hope for it in the first place."

Percival's shadows seemed to deepen, stretching across the ground between us, as if his magic were reacting to the threat. "And who the fuck would take our place, hm? Human knights?” He laughed, the sound bitter and cold. Like the Percival I first met.

I stood up abruptly, unable to contain the storm of emotions churning inside me any longer. "Yes, human knights! Knights who won't abandon their queen the moment their duty is fulfilled. Knights who won't go flitting off to another realm while I'm left to rule a kingdom when I barely know how!"

The sword at my hip gave a sudden pulse, and I knew without having to see for myself that my eyes were glowing bright gold. I noticed the magic writhing inside of me, Avalon’s surge of magic making it stronger. The forest around us seemed to hold its breath, the usual symphony of night sounds falling eerily silent.

Galahad rose to his feet, his normally jovial eyes flashing with hurt and indignation. "We're not abandoning you! We've sworn to protect you, to serve you?—"

"For how long?" I demanded. "Until I sit on the throne? Until I produce an heir? Or just until you get bored with playing at being mortal?"

My words struck like physical blows, and I hated every single one. I hated that I felt this rage. I hated that I wanted to sob. Galahad flinched, and even Gawain's usual smirk was lost. Tristan's eyes were wide with shock, while Percival's shadows writhed and twisted around him like agitated snakes.

"That's not fair,” Lancelot hissed. “We've given centuries of our lives to this cause, to protect Excalibur and wait for you."

"And I'm supposed to be grateful for that?" I shot back, my voice rising. "Grateful that you waited for me, only to leave me alone in a world I barely understand? I didn't ask for any of this!"

The magical fire flared in response to my surging emotions, the flames leaping higher and changing from blue to a deep, angry crimson. The air around us crackled with energy, and I picked up on the pulse of magic thrumming through the earth beneath my feet.

Lancelot took a step towards me. "Arthur, you're not being rational. We're not abandoning you. We'll always be there if you need us?—"

"But you won't bethere!" I cried, my voice cracking. "You won't be by my side every day, helping me navigate court politics or fending off assassins or-or just being there when I need someone to talk to. I won’t be able to hold you or feel you. You'll be here, in this magical wonderland, while I'm stuck in a cold stone castle surrounded by strangers!"

As I spoke, the circlet on my brow began to glow, pulsing in time with my racing heart. I could feel the metal growing warm against my skin. The knights' eyes widened as they watched the display of magic, a mixture of awe and concern on their faces.

"Do you have any idea what it's like?" I continued, my voice small. "To go from being a nobody on the streets to suddenly being told you're the heir to a kingdom? To have magic you don't understand coursing through your veins? To be thrust into a world of fae, monsters, and ancient prophecies? I've spent my entire life feeling like I didn't belong anywhere. Then I met all of you. For the first time, I felt like I found my place. Like I found a family."

The knights exchanged pained glances, the weight of my words settling heavily on their shoulders. Even Merlin looked stricken, his blue eyes wide with a mixture of sorrow and guilt.

"But now?" I laughed bitterly, the sound harsh and foreign to my own ears. "Now I realize it was all just a beautiful lie. You were never meant to stay. You were just fulfilling your duty, and once it's done, you'll leave. You’ll leave me…"

My voice trailed off, the last words barely a whisper. The weight of everything—the quest, the crown, the impending loss—suddenly felt crushing. I couldn't bear to look at their faces any longer, to see the mix of guilt and pity in their eyes.

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