Page 102 of That Island Feeling

I nod, struggling to keep my tears at bay.

‘Okay, good. We’ll go to the Apple store as soon as we’re back in Sydney. I’m sorry I scared you. And I’m really sorry for everything. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the awful things I said to you tonight.’ She reaches for my hand.

‘It’s okay. And I’m sorry too, Tay. I know that I haven’t been myself for a long time. Just look at me – I’m crying over a stupid iPhone.’ I laugh weakly. ‘I guess –’ I pause, searching for the right words. ‘I feel like I’ve been operating with two brains. One of them has been consumed for eight years with worries about my parents – and even Toby, although I know he’s an adult now – while the other, the smaller one, has been solely focused on logistics. It hasn’t left much room for anything else. I’m sorry if that’s made me a shit friend.’

‘It hasn’t made you a shit friend! I should never have made you feel that way,’ she exclaims. ‘I guess I wish that we could talk like we used to. I love you so much, and it’s been hard seeing you so weighed down by life that it seemed like you weren’t really living it. But I have no right dictating what is right for you. Grief is such a personal thing, and I’m learning that so deeply right now.’ Her voice is heavy, but her expression is hard to decipher – intense, yet hinting at something else.

‘Tay, what’s really been going on?’ I ask gently.

‘Are you sure you want to hear it?’

‘Yes!’

She takes a deep breath. ‘Let’s sit at the table.’

‘Sure.’

We both stand, Taylor pulls out a chair at the head of the table, underneath the framed yin–yang pearl, and I sit next to her.

‘Well,’ she begins, her voice hesitant. ‘I kinda misled you before. I was the one who made Mitch break up with me. He kept telling me that he didn’t mind whether or not we had a baby, and that he’d be happy with me regardless. But I thought he’d wake up one day and realise he’d made a mistake. So I decided to beat him to it. I lied and told him I’d cheated on him and that I wasn’t in love with him anymore.’

‘Oh, Tay!’ I gasp, my heart sinking as I jump out of my chair and wrap my arms around her. I can’t imagine what she’s been dealing with. ‘What on earth were you thinking, you silly girl?’ I murmur tenderly into her silky blonde mane.

She hiccups. ‘I don’t know.’

‘So what now?’ I ask, taking a seat once she’s finished hiccupping. ‘Do you want to try to repair things with Mitch?’

‘I think so. He wants to, and I do too. I’m going to stay on the island with him for a few extra days, see where things land after that.’

‘That sounds like a really good idea.’

‘Sorry that my divorce trip ended up not being very divorcey,’ she says sheepishly.

I wave off her apology. ‘Ah, the penis piñata will keep. Actually, it already had an unfortunate end in the fire pit, didn’t it?’

‘Yeah, Grace saw to that,’ Taylor snorts.

‘I know I went overboard. I just hope you understand that everything I do is because I care about you so much. Is logistics a love language?’ I joke.

Taylor chuckles. ‘I’m not sure, but lemons certainly are. Seriously, though, Lizzie, Grace and I all agreed that you can dial it back a bit. No more group dinners booked, or gifts organised. Focus on yourself for a change!’

I nod, taking her words to heart.

‘Is it time for my confession?’ I ask.

‘Shit. What now?’

‘I did book the trip here to try to feel closer to my parents,’ I confess.

‘Oh, Andie.’

It’s Taylor’s turn to push back her chair. It bumps against the wall, causing the yin–yang frame above her head to wobble slightly. We look up, waiting for it to settle, before embracing each other.

‘Maybe we can get matching pearl artworks for our thirty-year friendiversary,’ I suggest.

‘And have Jack make them?’ Taylor asks hopefully.

My shoulders slump. ‘Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s possible. I’m pretty sure I messed that up.’ I didn’t even get a chance to thank him for the thoughtful documentary dedication, I realise, my stomach swimming with guilt.

---