Page 7 of Penn

“If you’re sure, sweetie,” Stephanie says. She looks over at the nurse, questioningly.

“It’s okay if he’s here. As long as Hearth says it’s okay.”

Hearth nods, then looks up at the nurse, anxiously. “Let’s just do this.”

The nurse rolls a small table over to the bedside, stocked with cleaning supplies, and hands a mirror over to Hearth. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Hearth takes it, closing her eyes. When she opens them gazing into the mirror, she goes still.

“Oh my god.” Her voice catches. A tear rolls from her eye.

Her mom takes Hearth’s free hand and holds it in hers. “Sweetie, it’s not as bad—”

“You’re gorgeous, Hearth,” I add, gently.

“Shut up. Just shut up, both of you.” Hearth’s eyes squeeze tightly shut.

A long silence descends on the room, on all four of us. Maybe I shouldn’t have come here today. Maybe I shouldn’t have ever come, at least not until I knew she was back at home and I could call her on the phone to check on herlike a normal human being.

I hear Stephanie take a deep, slow breath in and then let out a sigh. “Let the nurse help show you to clean it, okay? And then Doctor Santos will be in here shortly, won’t he, nurse?”

“Yes.”

“You get to go home soon, baby.”

“Soon, like today?” I ask them both.

“Maybe.” Stephanie peers over at me with a soft smile, then back to her daughter. “Anyway. That’s what I came in here to tell you. Isn’t that good news? I’ll be back, I’ll just give y’all a minute.” Stephanie pats Hearth’s hand then stands up. Her walk toward the doorway takes an eternity as Hearth and I wait in silence. The nurse also takes her cue and gives a solemn nod.

“I can go check on another patient, I’ll be back in a few, and we can do this then.”

“Okay,” Hearth says, and we wait.

“Why are you here, Penn?” she asks once her mom and the nurse’s footfalls grow quieter and quieter then disappear down the hallway.

“What your mom said is true…I’ve been coming here. For a while.” I hang my head, not realizing until this moment what an invasion of privacy that must seem like.

There’s a more specific reason I cametoday, but the whole explanation is lost on my tongue now that Hearth is actually awake and listening.

Last night, I got called out to my first structure fire and it was the craziest shit I ever did. The crew and I were able to get everyone out and get the fire under control before another city eventually came to take over.

We were all so worked up after that, so much adrenaline pounding through us, and all I could think about was that I couldn’t wait to get to Hearth. The second my shift ended this morning, I was on my way over to the hospital. I wanted to tell her about what happened even though I haven’t been able to talk to her for months, not since that night in the woods. I still needed to tell her. I figured maybe she had been able to hear everything I have been saying to her, and if not, maybe I’m the one that just needed to be close to her after a night like I just had.

Those tears are back, and it takes everything in me not to wipe them away from her delicate face. No one ever asked for me to come here. No one is asking for me to touch her now, to wipe tears off her cheeks.

This time, I don’t do what no one is asking for me to do.

But I do ask, “Maybe…I can take you out sometime?”

Her eyes are a bit wild, accusatory when they fly up toward mine. “Why on earth would you want to do that?” She thinks I’m asking her out of pity?

I rear my head back. “Because I can’t stop thinking about you? Because I want to get to know you better?”

“Penn, you really don’t have to…” She’s shaking her head.

“I reallywantto.”

“No.” She says it after a long pause, with an even bigger tear in her eye that delivers a fresh stab of pain to my heart.

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