Page 103 of Breaking the Sinner

Except now? Walking away from Gen, from the gym, fucking crushed him. He didn’t feel nothing. He felteverything.It pushed sadness and devastation and regret through his veins, pummeling and overbearing. And there was only one way he could see to alleviate it, even a little bit.

He still had a business card with Travis’s cell number scrawled on it, shoved into the corner of his mirror at home. The one number he had left anymore. Cobra hustled to the nearest store and bought a shitty pre-pay phone, then sent Travis a text around nine p.m. “It’s Cobra. I’m sorry I went MIA. I had some personal issues come up. If I can still come work, I promise on my life this won’t happen again.”

About a half hour later, Travis wrote back. “See you tomorrow.”

Cobra stared at the text for what felt like an hour, happiness swarming him. He still had the job. At this point, he could admit to himself he didn’t want to lose it. He just had to decide the way forward. Working at Holt Body meant working with Gen, and he still hadn’t determined what dosage of her might be safe for him. The logical side of him said:zero. The part ruled by his heart wanted every last bit of her.

He didn’t see her at work on Wednesday, but that didn’t mean he didn’t think about her. Thursday, she didn’t show up either. Then he started to get nervous. Imagining she’d stayed behind in Fresno in the khaki skirt. Making the choice to choose blood family, however abusive they were, over her freedom.

Amara came into the gym Thursday afternoon. Cobra headed her way without a second thought.

“’Sup, Amara?” He cornered her by the cubbies when she came into the weight room. “You got a second?”

“Of course, Cobra.” She flashed him a genuine smile. She’d always been nice to him, for how sullen and introverted he acted. All these people had. Gratitude shuddered through him, catching him off guard for a second. He pinched at the bridge of his nose. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Kinda going through something.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, studying the ground. Trying to find the words that struck that balance between lovesick fooland concerned friend.“I got a new phone recently, and I wondered…do you have Gen’s number?”

Amara’s smile fell a bit. And maybe that was nervousness rolling off her. Cobra couldn’t quite tell. “Uh…why do you need it?”

He worked his jaw back and forth. Best to go for the gold. “She hasn’t shown up to work, and I’m worried. We kinda got into a fight, and I…” All the air left him in a big whoosh. “I need to make sure she’s okay.”

Amara nodded, stuffing her purse into a cubby. “Yeah. That sounds fine. You ready?”

Cobra’s hands shook as he typed Gen’s number into his new phone. It was a flashy new smartphone, something of a splurge last night once he’d gotten sick of his slow-as-molasses off-brand pre-pay phone. After all, he still had his job, and he was getting paid next week, so why not? His big fingers kept pressing the wrong numbers. He swore, starting the number over for the third time.

“Easy there, tiger,” Amara laughed. “You’ll get it.”

“Fuck. I guess I’m…I dunno.” A weak laugh escaped him. “I’m an asshole. I need to make it up to her.”

“What’d you do?”

Cobra saved her contact before stuffing his phone into the pocket of his workout shorts. “I ditched her. In a bad way. She doesn’t deserve that.” The familiar self-flagellating insults worked their way up from his core, like bile up a throat—you don’t deserve her either. You’re worthless. Why do you waste her time?Down in the depths of him, where they’d been planted and carefully cultivated first by his mother and then by himself. But this time, he stopped before he could put a voice to them. It might make them a sliver less real inside him.

“What are you gonna do to make it up to her?” Amara asked, a curious grin curving her lips. “It better be something good.”

“I’m working on it,” Cobra said. “But now I’m a little messed up that she’s not coming in.”

“I just love her,” Amara said. “She’s so extremely sweet and lovely. I’m so happy that she’s part of our family here.”

Amara’s words were a punch to the gut. Swift, almost painful. But like a cleansing brawl among friends, the surprise punch brought clarity with it. Holt Body Fitnesswasa family. Lex, Travis, Amara…Gen. They were becoming his family.

“Yeah. I love her too,” Cobra whispered, jerking his gaze to the ground. Emotion cinched his chest, and he needed to get out of here. Go pump out some pull-ups. “Thanks, Amara.”

Cobra waited until he’d clocked out and safe in his car before sending a text.

“Hey. It’s me. I’m ready to start begging for forgiveness now.”

He took the long way home, stopping by the grocery store, spending too much time picking out vegetables that he’d liked to take over to Gen’s house once she wrote back. He bought three bouquets as well.

But Gen didn’t write back. Not that evening, not that night, not even the next morning. All the flowers were wilted and wimpy when he got into his car the next morning. He frowned the entire way to work.

On Friday he started calling. Her phone would ring and ring and click over to the generic voicemail. Extremely unlike Gen, which made his stomach knot harder.

By Saturday, he knew it was time for the big guns. Gen not responding to him was serious business, and the core of him worried that he’d pushed her goodwill and forgiveness too far. This, of all the things in his life, was his biggest fuckup.

But he’d make it right. Because he couldn’t fathom life without Gen in it. This much, at least, he knew.

His skin crawled for wanting her. The continued silence felt like nails on a chalkboard. Nothing seemed right in the world. And it wouldn’t be, until he made it up to her.

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