Page 23 of My Little Secret

Chapter 10

SADIE

Six a.m.came early, and I woke up with a knot in my gut. Hawk stirred beside me, groaning as he pulled me into his arms.

“No time for shenanigans,” I lightly chided. We’d messed around again the night before; I’d come twice. Two for the road, I’d joked, but it made me sad. I didn’t want this to be goodbye. “You’ve got weigh-in and I have to go sneak back to my room like a high schooler.”

“Maybe you should let him catch you,” he said, his voice groggy. He rubbed at an eye. “Then he’ll be pissed enough to put up a good fight.”

I stilled, sending him a flat look. “Okay, that’s enough. None of this shit talking while we’re in bed.”

He cackled, pinching my sides. “Sorry, babe. It’s the shit talker in me.”

I rolled my eyes, slipping out of bed. In the bathroom, I splashed water on my face and brushed my teeth with the toothbrush that I’d left at his place—because we were basically a couple already, one that was breaking up as soon as I set foot out of the hotel room.

When I came back into the bedroom, Hawk was sitting up, scrolling through his phone.

“Weigh-in’s at ten,” he said flatly. “See you there?”

I sighed. “Yeah, I guess. And at the match too, where I won’t be rooting for anyone.”

He watched me for a moment then looked back down at his phone.

I got dressed, the weird situation roiling my gut like the predecessor to food poisoning. This was gonna be so weird. I wanted my brother to win—part of my paycheck also depended on it—but I wanted Hawk to perform well, too. It was sexy as fuck to watch Hawk fight on television, and now I’d see it in the flesh. Against my own brother. It was different now than the first time they’d fought. Before, Hawk had only been a job. Now, he was somewhere between Idol status and Friend. It was a bizarre mix of excitement and despair.

When I was dressed, I came around the bed to face Hawk. “Last kiss.”

He looked up, those dark eyes snagging me just as they had the first night. The way they might for the rest of my life. “Does it have to be?”

“We both said it does.” I grabbed his chin between my fingers, trying to memorize every inch of his face, down to the last pore. Who was I kidding? I would never be able to forget this man.

“Are you gonna tell your brother?”

I snorted. “Fuck no. I’m not stupid.” But as the words came out, I wondered at their truth. Maybe I should tell him. Not just because it would help the fight...because…I wanted to see Hawk again. Maybe I should just get it out in the open now and let the pieces fall where they may. I almost opened my mouth to correct myself, but I couldn’t. It was too uncertain.

His gaze roamed my face as he reached for my hand. “Fuck, Sadie. I hate goodbyes.”

“Me too.” This one was worse than usual. Every part of me, all the way down to my white blood cells, wanted to keep seeing this man. “I’ll really miss you, Hawk.”

His brow creased. “It’s too early for this shit.”

I stroked my thumb along his jawline, and then I leaned forward, mashing my mouth against his. We kissed hungrily, desperately, because it was the last time, the last gulp of his scent, the last of his scruff against my face, the last time before all the times dissolved into distant memories.

“I’ll see ya around,” I whispered, pressing my forehead to his. This hurt way more than it should have. I tore myself away, grabbing my coat on the way out. When the door shut behind me, I let one lone tear wander all the way down my cheek before wiping it away.

You’re losing it. You didn’t even have anything with this guy. I hugged myself on the way down in the elevator, prepping myself for the bitter cold outside. Except I did have something with that guy, something that felt nice, something that begged me to explore further. But we couldn’t.

So we wouldn’t.

I made the fast walk to my hotel, keeping my head down against the driving wind. As soon as I reached the lobby, I exhaled a breath I’d been holding without realizing. Heat seeped through me, making my limbs looser. I unbuttoned my coat as I crossed the lobby, eager to get a warm shower and into some layers.

“Sadie?”

Brute’s voice made me grimace. I paused, turning toward the sound of his voice. There he was, by the front desk, looking at me with raised brows.

“Morning, Brute.” I offered a breezy smile until I remembered I was clearly coming in from somewhere. Oh shit.

“Where were you?” He strutted closer, nodding my way.

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