Page 105 of The Order: Rise of the New Empire

No longer forcing up the assertive front I keep around Andrew, my mind and body melt at the sound of his wants. Eagerly letting him gather me in his lap, my arms instinctively wrap around his neck to pull him closer. Kissing me with no boundaries, his lips devour mine in a gentle touch.

"I thought we were being careful about how much we did this?" Xavier points out, though his hands are already making their way under my shirt.

"No sex," I whisper. "This isn't sex."

"Right, because sex will be the fine line between platonic and..."

He trails off before he can finish his statement.

"And what?" I whisper.

Clearing his throat, he cups my face with his hands. Rolling his thumbs over my cheeks, a smile tugs up the corner of his lips.

"I'm not just using this as an opportunity to get myself off," he whispers. "Something pulls me close to you. Something I can't even begin to explain. Every time you are with me like this, it feels like my soul is finally intact."

If only he knew.

If only he knew how much I understand that statement.

Avoiding sex with Xavier is more than what meets the surface.

Trust me, I would let him carry me to my bedroom with no hesitation.

I know once we have allowed that to happen, all of the knowledge I have about our past, coupled with the reality that I have a limit to my lifespan would drive me insane.

All I can hold onto are these moments of peace.

These moments where, for once in my life, I am not a weapon.

I serve no purpose.

No purpose other than loving Xavier.

And god, do I love him.

"I love you," I whisper without thinking.

Widening his eyes, I shake my head at the realization that I was thinking out loud.

Fuck, fuck-

"You do?" he questions with genuine sincerity.

Slowly nodding my head, I lean in just a bit closer.

"You're someone I want to keep safe. Someone who deserves to feel my love with no constraints."

But that's not possible, is it?

There is no reality in which I get to live a life with Xavier.

I can fool myself and feed into delusion, but at the end of the day, this is all I have.

These small moments.

These small moments with him.

"You want honesty, Forest?" Xavier prods. "I don't think this is the first time we've met-"

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