Page 10 of NYE in The Cayman Islands

Tilly speaks up. “Our mothers before us lived in a different world. There wasn’t the same pressure to work. If they were lucky enough, they stayed at home and raised their family. Kept the house perfect and had quality time to spend with their husband. The pace of life was a lot slower. Now the world we live in is so fast and we try to do it all. Society has paved the way that as women we can do or be anything we want to, but sometimes, we forget that those decisions can come at a cost to our mental health. Because it has now also put the extra pressure on us to think we have to do it all and be perfect at it too. Christ, if you look at social media, all you see is the wonderful happy women, with their perfect families and spectacular lives. And I’m sure most of the time it is great. But the reality is also that they are living and feeling just like you are, Bella.”

“Bella, you look at all of us and think we coped better than what you are at the moment, don’t you?” Paige is getting serious with me.

“Possibly.” I try not to laugh at myself to break the moment, something Tate would do, using humor to divert the attention away from himself.

“Oh, sweetie, you are forgetting what it was like.” Tilly rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t you remember when you turned up at my house and Gracie had just tipped all her toys all over the floor, while I had Brooke in my arms, who had just had a poo explosion all up her back? I was still in my pajamas at three pm, there were dirty plates in the sink, not much food in the house, and I hadn’t showered in two days because Gray wason call and every baby in Chicago had decided to be born at the same time.” Tilly takes another sip of her drink. “I burst into tears on your shoulder, and you told me to go and take a shower and lie down and have a nap. You took Brooke out of my arms, turned me toward my room, and ordered me not to come out for at least two hours.”

My mind is now remembering a day I haven’t thought about for years, and to be honest, had totally forgotten about.

“You saved my soul that day. I was at my breaking point. I took a long shower where I stood under the water and cried to myself about how I was so bad at this mothering thing, then I collapsed on my bed and ended up sleeping for longer than I should have, and I woke up to your smiling face. Not only that, but a clean house, clean and fed children, and you had dinner delivered and in the oven for later so when Gray got home, he and I could have a meal together while you looked after the kids, putting them to bed. But although everything you did was wonderful, truly the most important gift you gave me that day was that you didn’t judge me. When I felt at my lowest and wasn’t coping, you didn’t care, you just helped me get through it.” The last words from Tilly hit home.

“So why the fuck haven’t you reached out to us sisters before now and let us know you needed us?” Tilly waves her finger at me like I was a naughty girl, but at the same time, smiles at me to let me know she is joking.

Trying to think of an answer, it comes to me why.

“Because it’s hard to ask for help.” I start to cry a little again.

“We get that, but you have talked to us now, and we will be there for you. Not just to come in and do the things at home that are weighing on you, but we are here to remind you what Mia said every single day.” Paige now smiles at me too.

“Being a mother is hard,” they all say at the same time.

“Being a mother is hard,” I repeat back to them.

“Fucking hard!” Mia mumbles, and we all laugh, because she is not one to swear.

“But I also want you to promise to have a chat to a counselor when we get home who can help you too. I know you spoke to one about your mom, so it might be time to go back and have a few more sessions. I couldn’t have gotten through my twins without mine.”

I have known for a while that I have all the signs of suffering from some form of mental health issue and that I needed to do something about it, but when you are in the moment, it is hard to do anything about it. Today is the first step toward helping myself by reaching out to others for support.

“But just as importantly, you need to talk to Tate. Let him take care of you. He loves you so much that he just wants you to be happy. We all know he puts on the big personality for show, but deep down he is a big kid with a big heart, and that heart is all yours.” Tilly leans forward, as do the other girls, and they take me in a group hug.

It was hard to open up to them, but I’m so glad I did. I feel a little lighter, but I know I still have a ways to go.

“Oh my God, look at those jet skis circling the guys,” Paige exclaims, and we all look up as the boys fall one by one into the water.

Laughter breaks out between us as we watch them yelling to each other and then start to head to shore. Quickly, I grab the girls again and whisper to them in the circle.

“Thank you, I needed that, and I would be lost without you all.”

To which they start replying at the same time.

“We’re always here,” Mia says.

“We’ve got you,” Tilly who has always had my back says.

“That’s what framily is for.” Paige kisses me on the cheek.

Hearing the boys coming, we break apart with that look of comfort from all the girls that I need to know I can get through this.

Spending the last hour pedal-boating around on the flattish water has actually been more fun than I imagined. At first it was leisurely, where I was sitting back enjoying floating around and talking to my husband about random things that popped into either of our heads. And for the first time in a long time, they weren’t about work, or the kids, or anything relating to home.

But of course, it didn’t last long, and the boys decided to race the boats, and the competitiveness in all of us, not just the boys, came out. My calves and thighs are now screaming at me from pedaling as fast as I could to get a win for Tate and me. At one stage, I even heard Mia screaming at Lex to pedal faster so they could catch those suckers, which had us all in stitches laughing because she is never the one to show that die-hard winning attitude. But I think it was all a ploy, because we were all so distracted by the funny side of it that they ended up getting past us and won the race.

“Okay, this is the last sporting activity for you all, and then we are off on an afternoon sail on the yacht where they will serve a late seafood lunch on board, and we can laze away the afternoon before we head back to our rooms to get ready for tonight,” Tate announces to the group like he is the resident tour guide.

All the guys cheer as we head to the pickleball courts, while us girls groan under our breaths.

“Can’t we just skip to the yacht?” Tilly giggles as she whispers in my ear.

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