Page 67 of Offside Attraction

She loved their style. They’d been roommates for years, and their preferences had blended into one cozy, modern, vintage conglomeration. A funky lamp with a stained glass shade sat on the side table, and the sofa was covered in colourful throw pillows and a patchwork quilt. Rhonda wanted them to adopt her. For real.

Anne stood at the island with her laptop, and she slammed it shut as Rhonda walked in.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Rhonda sat on a stool at the counter.

“Are you kidding? Anne’s always looking for a chance to ditch work.” Tina reached into a cupboard for glasses.

Rhonda grinned. “You kind of sound like an old married couple.”

Tina filled the glasses with water. “Whatever. I see Anne about as much as I see you these days.”

“Ah. Time with Gary?” Rhonda waggled an eyebrow.

Anne scoffed. “I’m gone, like, two nights a week.”

“And he stays over. I didnotneed to know what brand of boxers he wears.”

Anne laughed out loud. “I thought you were at work!”

Rhonda's throat tightened. The pricking sensation at the door turned into full-on burning, like she was huffing onion. She looked from Anne to Tina, her stomach knotting. Her brain screamed at her to shut it down. To shove everything back into the box and slap a lid on it.

“It’s Jordan,” she blurted.

Anne frowned.

Tina set the glasses down on the counter in front of them. “Do we know a Jordan?”

“Medicine Hat Guy. Parking Lot Guy. It’s Jordan Wheatfill. He’s the?—”

“Captain of Pucks Deep!?” Anne’s voice lifted an octave at the end of that sentence.

“Wait, Hat Guy and Parking Lot Guy are the same guy?” Tina demanded.

Rhonda groaned and dropped her head over her folded arms. She nodded, her forehead rubbing over her sleeves. “And now he’s also His Apartment Guy. And My House Guy?—”

“Shut the front door. You’ve been seeing him?” Tina pulled up a stool, her voice hushed even though they were the only people in the house.

“Wait, is he—oh my hell, he’s Text Chain Guy. Rhonda, is he?—?”

“YES.” Rhonda wiped her eyes and forced her head up. “I thought I was texting Jenna, but I saved his name in my phone as ‘J’ and?—”

“You saved hisphone number?” Tina stared at her with wide eyes.

"It wasn’t like that! He works at Rocky Ridge, and I needed to get an ‘in’ with the doctor there, so when he gave me his number at Dusty Rose?—”

“Okay, stop!” Anne stood up and walked to the fridge. She pulled out half a pumpkin pie and a canister of whipped cream. She set the pie on the island and motioned for Tina to get plates, then flipped off the cap on the cream and held it up. “Open.”

Rhonda tipped her head back, and almost choked with laughter as Anne pressed the nozzle, filling her mouth with fluffy cream. She blinked back tears and tried to swallow while Tina dished up pie on white plates with roosters on them and the words, “Nice Cock.”

“Gift exchange?” Rhonda asked.

Tina laughed. “Too bad you missed it.”

Rhonda had missed the team white elephant the year before, but this year she was ready. The pair of boxers that said, “I licked it so it’s mine” sat in the back of her closet.

Anne passed out forks and added a dollop of whipped cream to each piece of pie, then took a bite. “Okay. Start from the beginning.”

So she did. Rhonda told them about how she’d thought Jordan was from Grande Prairie, which they already knew, but then she saw him that night in the bar and found out he was on Pucks Deep. She told them how he slipped her his number on a napkin, then about her allergic reaction and seeing him at urgent care, and on and on until she finally landed with her taking the weirdest charcuterie collection to his doorstep.

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