Page 308 of Mafia Kings: Valentino

Caterina

As the priest kept going on and on, I silently screamed at myself.

GO!

DO IT!

YOU COWARD!

But something held me back.

At first I thought it was the fear of walking out there in front of Don Rosolini and Niccolo –

Not to mention a lot of other scary mafia people.

I wondered if I was afraid of dying –

But that wasn’t it.

I knew that if it came down to it, I would die for Valentino. And I’d do it happily, as long as he held me in his arms as I slipped away, and the last thing I got to see was the love in his eyes.

Then I wondered if it was because I was ashamed.

Of making a scene –

Of being the ‘other woman’ –

Of crashing in somewhere I obviously wasn’t wanted.

But that wasn’t it, either.

I would’ve done anything to be with him.

I would’ve borne any insult, been shamed within an inch of my life –

If he would just love me in the end.

That’s when I finally realized what I was afraid of:

That hedidn’tlove me.

That if I went out there and made a grand gesture, he’d ask me coldly,Why are YOU here?

You’re not wanted.

It’s over.

GO AWAY.

He’d chosen his family over me.

He’d chosen a womanhe didn’t even loveover me.

I’d tried, I’d begged, I’d pleaded with him to love me –

But all of his actions showed he didn’t.

And that was what I couldn’t face.

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