Page 194 of Mafia Kings: Valentino

But if I kept seeing her, I was endangering her.

If Don Vicari found out about her…

However, if Ididn’tcontinue seeing her, I was letting that fucking psychopath win.

The real truth?

Ineededher.

It had been the truth back home – and it was especially true now.

Every waking minute without her, I plotted and I schemed to see her again.

To fuck her again.

To bewithher again.

She was my drug. My addiction. My heroin, my crack cocaine.

Especially now, when the rest of my life was destroyed.

As far as real drugs go, my brothers and I had indulged every now and then – in Ibiza, Amsterdam, Barcelona.

Cocaine, ecstasy… party drugs. None of us had ever gotten addicted. We’d been able to ‘hit it and quit it.’

Part of that was because my father had always spoken about drug addicts with contempt, and none of us wanted to be the son who disappointed him.

However, Niccolo argued that some people were just trying to blot out the horrors of the world.

Abuse… grinding poverty… hopelessness.

Funny that it was Nic – the brother I hated – who’d argued for compassion.

But now I totally understood what he’d meant.

I’d seen something I’d never be able tounsee…

Something that would follow me to my grave…

And all I wanted was to blot out the memory with something pure. Something beautiful. Something wonderful.

But I couldn’t endanger her… I couldn’t lose her…

So the decision would have to be hers.

I would let her know the dangers, and I would lethermake the final decision.

If it wasNo, I can’t take that chance,then I would accept it and tell her to run far away from Sicily.

But if she saidYes…

Then I was going to have to see her again.

I wanted her too badly.

I ached in my bones to see her again…

To fuck her again…

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