Page 147 of Roberto

My world, which had been tightly controlled before my kidnapping, became a prison.

I didn’t go back to school. Instead, my father hired people to teach me at home. Tutors for history, English, Chinese literature, biology, math…

I was never allowed out of the house unless one of my father’s triad soldiers accompanied me as a bodyguard.

The only privacy I had was in the relative peace of my bedroom…

Where I hid pieces of rope under my mattress.

I tied them around my wrists and ankles in the dead of night when everyone else had gone to sleep…

And imagined my handsome captor tightening the knots.

61

Two years after the kidnapping, my father finally relaxed his iron grip on my life.

After scoring high on entrance exams, I was allowed to go to university – but only as long as I remained in Hong Kong.

For the first two years, I was forced to live at home. I attended every class with a triad shadow – a man in a dark suit following me everywhere.

I fought with my father about it all the time.

“What are you going to do when I leave university?” I demanded.

“You’ll get married and move into your husband’s household.”

“And how am I supposed tomeetthis hypothetical husband?”

“I’ll arrange suitors for you.”

“No, you won’t – because I’m notgoingto get married!”

“Then I hope you like living here with your mother and me,” he replied coldly.

But after two years of fighting, I gradually wore him down.

I was allowed to have an apartment of my own.

I began to make friends…

And I began to date.

I started slowly, seeing one boy for six months before we finally slept together.

While it was nice, it was nothing compared to the erotic thrill of rope sliding across my skin in the privacy of my bedroom.

And my experiences with my boyfriend never even camecloseto the ecstasies I heard my female friends gossip about.

I broke up with him after a couple more months of unfulfilling sex.

I couldn’t have an orgasm on my own, either. The idea of masturbating felt foreign to me. The few times I attempted it, I didn’t enjoy it, so I stopped trying.

I went through a string of lovers, hoping to find what I so desperately wanted.

When I finally worked up the courage to ask my fourth boyfriend to tie me up, he made jokes aboutFifty Shades Of Grey.Then he unenthusiastically tied my hands together before he shoved his dick inside me.

I dumped him the next day.

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