Page 49 of Mr. Broody

“Why did you leave?” Rowan asks.

I don’t often open up, but the fact is, I have no one to talk to about this. I usually go to Reed when I’m trying to work something out, but he’s too close to this situation. He loves me and Jade both, and he can’t be an impartial outsider.

I look behind me to find most of the team already asleep or close to it. The plane is dark, and if these jackasses weren’t on my ass, I’d be sleeping too. I inhale a deep breath, uncomfortable with the idea of telling these guys, but they’ve turned into the closest thing I have to brothers. I don’t want to be the reason we don’t win the Cup because I’m messed up in the head.

So I decide to just blurt it out. “Jade’s the love of my life.”

Tweetie lets out a low whistle and turns to stare out the window at the dark sky. I think my words hit a nerve with him.

Conor nods. “All right, good start.”

But I can tell Conor doesn’t really know what to say. I’m not sure he’s ever felt that way about anyone before.

Rowan turns to face me. “Then why aren’t you with her?”

He went for what he wanted with Kyleigh, won the girl, and is currently on the yellow brick road toward happily ever after.

“It’s not that simple. There’s a long past with a lot of baggage on both sides, and honestly, what it comes down to is that I love her too much to keep her.”

Conor’s eyes widen. This is definitely foreign territory for him.

“Do you think she feels the same?” Tweetie asks, surprising me by rejoining the conversation.

I nod. “I know she does. Our feelings for each other have never been the problem.”

A small part of me wonders if that’s still true given the ass wipe she was shacking up with in Hawaii. I can’t deny that it hurt when she told me how serious they’d gotten.

“Then what’s the problem?” Conor looks genuinely curious.

I think he’s under the false belief that you meet a woman, discover she’s the one, woo her, fall in love with one another, and walk off into the sunset. I don’t think love is that simple, but maybe I think that only because mine isn’t.

“She doesn’t love herself.” It hurts to say the words out loud.

“Who doesn’t love themselves?” Tweetie asks with furrowed brows as if the concept is entirely foreign to him.

“Some of us don’t think we walk on fucking water.” Conor glares at him.

Tweetie holds up his hands, then opens his water bottle and takes a big swig.

“Maybe that’s not it. Maybe it’s more that she doesn’t think she’s enough,” I say.

“Are you sure she isn’t just going through something?” Rowan asks. He’s the only one I feel like I should be having this conversation with, but the other two want in for some reason.

“I tried to let her go. When I first got drafted to Chicago after college, she was supposed to come with me, but I sent her away to find out who she wanted to be. At the time, I’d hoped she’d come back in a year or two, but she never did. Eventually I moved on, told myself she was happier living her adventures, but now, when every other facet of my life is in place except for the fact that I have no one to share my life with, she’s back. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence. But at the same time, I can’t let Bodhi get hurt. It’s one thing for me to pine away for her, but you’ve seen how badly Bodhi wants a woman in our home.”

Rowan nods because he witnessed it with Kyleigh. The way Bodhi thinks she’s the best thing ever, always gravitating toward her when we’re all together. Before Kyleigh came around, I’m not sure Bodhi really thought much about having a mom or a wife for me. Maybe it’s just his age, I don’t know.

“So, you’re protecting your heart,” Conor says. “And Bodhi’s.”

I nod.

“And your plan is to just do nothing?” Rowan asks. He gives me a look. The one that says a few months ago, I was singing a different tune when I offered him advice regarding his relationship with Kyleigh.

But that was different. Jade and I are different.

“Yeah, but don’t worry. This conversation really put it all in perspective for me.”

“Really?” Conor asks, puffing out his chest.

---