Page 3 of Mr. Broody

I gave up a long time ago asking her mom how she’s doing. Her mom is married to Reed, who was my Big Brother when I was younger. We’re still close, and they watch my son, Bodhi, for me when I’m in a real bind. Sadly, they’re the only family I have besides my grandparents.

Tweetie shoots his three darts and marks on the board that he got a fifteen and a double sixteen. “Okay, just shoot it straight.” He grabs the beer across from mine. “Who was she?”

“Yeah, I’m not going there with you.” Tweetie doesn’t take much seriously when it comes to women, and I’m not in the mood for him to razz me continuously about how I need to put myself out there more.

He blows out a breath, takes a hefty gulp of his beer, and rests his gaze on me. “I get it, okay? Once upon a time there was a girl in my life… so you can talk to me about it.”

I figured there was. I’ve heard the rumors that there was a woman at some point who hurt Tweetie, and that’s when he hopped on the “I don’t want a commitment” train that doesn’t show signs of stopping anytime soon.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He arches an eyebrow incredulously, and I realize he’s right, I want it off my chest. I kind of told Rowan a bit about Jade, but it didn’t help. I hate the way she can just sneak in and overtake my thoughts without warning.

“She was just a girl. I loved her, but this life isn’t for her.”

He scoffs. “The life of being with a professional hockey player, you mean? Yeah, sounds awful.”

I shrug. “She wasn’t meant to be confined, tied to one place.”

“Ah, I get it. So does this girl have a name?”

I never tell people her name because it brings up all this shit I don’t want to talk about—or worse, feel. Somehow, saying her name always forces a stream of memories of times when her name left my lips. The joking when I’d ask if she was ticklish, the times I’d see her across campus and shout for her to stop and wait for me. Most of all, the times I said it in a hushed whisper as I slid into her. I still miss her every day, and I still don’t know when the pain will go away. When I’ll stop feeling this void in my chest at her absence.

“Come on. First name. It’s not like I’m gonna look her up.”

Tweetie always presses things, but we’ve really developed a friendship since we started playing together. Everyone thinks he’s just a jokester, but the way he was with Rowan and Conor last year regarding the whole Kyleigh situation says how much he cares about us and the team. I should give him a chance.

“Her name is Jade.” I down the rest of my beer. It’s kind of freeing to speak her name to someone who doesn’t give me a pitying look. The people who knew us as a couple. The people who knew how close we were. The people who thought we were destined to end up together.

“How long?”

Maybe it’s crazy that I understand his cryptic question, but it only confirms again that Tweetie was hurt by someone at some point.

“We were together until the end of college, but it’s been three years since I last… saw her.” My admission pierces me like the flick of a switchblade. It feels almost surreal that it’s been three years since we’ve talked when she was my biggest confidant for the majority of my life. “You?”

He throws his last dart, and it flies to the right, hitting the cork outside of the dartboard. “Sorry, this is about you, not me.” He comes back over and finishes off his beer. “Is it a never again situation?”

“I’m not really sure.” I step up to the line to throw my dart. “It’s complicated.”

“So uncomplicate it for me.” He sits on a stool, his legs widening, and leans back against the wall, crossing his arms.

I throw my dart and get a triple nineteen. The next two are nothing. Heading back to the table, I linger at the edge. “She was a girl I grew up with. We dated for years and went to the same college, then we graduated and…”

He nods. “And she wanted something you couldn’t give her?”

I huff and run my finger along the grain of the new bar table. I miss the old, warped ones from before Ruby had no choice but to replace them. I shake my head. “She didn’t know what she wanted.”

He doesn’t say anything, hopping off the stool with his darts in hand. “So, if she walked through those doors right now, what would you do?” He tucks a piece of his chin-length blond hair behind his ear.

I’ve asked myself that question a million times over the years. If Jade came back to Chicago and sought me out, what would I do? Bodhi is a big factor in the answer. I’m not going to be one of those dads who brings around women he isn’t serious about. I worried last year with how attached he got to Kyleigh after she started dating Rowan. My son wants a woman in his life. Hell, he wants a woman in my life.

“I don’t have to worry about that. She’s found herself, and she’s happy without me.”

And that’s the truth. I hoped maybe she’d take a year or two to travel around, but at some point, she’d miss me so much she’d come back. But the longer she was gone, the more I realized I was lying to myself. She’s not meant to have a permanent address. She’s meant to wander, seeking out adventure, and I’m not.

I just wish that late at night when I’m awake and staring at the ceiling, I didn’t question the love we shared. A love that was bone deep for me, but maybe it wasn’t for her. Maybe I convinced myself we were something we never were.

“You’d take her back,” Tweetie says, then throws his three darts. “Fuck, I suck.”

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