Page 112 of Mr. Broody

She gets up off the bed and places the food tray on the desk. “Are you sure you don’t need to eat some more?”

I shake my head. “I’m good.” I pull open the covers. “Just need you.”

She jumps in and slides under the covers, cozying up to me. We sit there with one another in a comfortable silence until she asks me a dreaded question. “Can I ask you about your first experience playing for Chicago? Or do you just want to forget it?”

I lay my cheek on the top of her head and tighten my hold on her, squeezing her into my body. This is a rough story, and I don’t want it to backtrack us. “You can always ask me whatever you want. I thought I was good, and turns out, I wasn’t good enough. I cracked under the pressure. Every bad game, I spiraled further down.”

“Was it because of…”

“Not entirely. I mean, I really missed you, and I think I took you a little for granted before you left for Holland. In college when I’d have a bad game, I’d see you after, and you’d always pick up my spirits and help me get back into a better headspace. Or maybe it was just because I was yours that my confidence never wavered. But back then, I’d go to the one-bedroom apartment that you were originally supposed to be in with me, and I’d think about how I had sent you away. I don’t know. It was a lot of things, but you’re not to blame, so please don’t think that. Plus, that time of my life is over.”

Her hand runs down my stomach. God, I love her hands on me. She can explore all she wants. I’m not going anywhere.

“The coaching was some of the reason too, but in the end, I just wasn’t as ready as I thought I was.”

She nods, and I don’t know if she believes me or not.

“I wouldn’t trade it though. Those years taught me a lot.”

“Like?”

“Not to listen to the announcers for one. They’re brutal. To keep my mouth shut and not internalize it when fans talk shit or when they compliment me. Accept it and move on. You’re only one bad game from them hating you again. And I think mostly what it taught me was what I want out of my hockey career.”

She scoots up and sits cross-legged to look at me. “What do you want?”

“You know in Minnesota, I was pretty good and kind of the star, I guess. I thought I wanted that in the professional league too, but I see the pressure Rowan gets. I’m happy to contribute to the wins and try like hell not to let us lose. But I don’t need the spotlight. Sure, the endorsements are nice, but I don’t care to do a ton. I just want to play the game I love until I can’t anymore. All the rest of the stuff is just that—stuff. This job keeps me and Bodhi fed and housed, and we’re fortunate to have extra. I think for a while there, I forgot that I got into this because I love playing the game.”

She grins and kisses me. “You’re so put together.”

Except around her. All my control disappears.

I place my hand on the back of her head to keep her lips on mine for a little longer before letting her go. “Now you get a question.”

She chuckles a bit. “What?”

“What’s your favorite place you’ve been?” I think this might be a sore spot for her because I think she feels guilty for the time she was away, but I really want to put that behind us.

“Chicago,” she says and laughs, but it’s not her usual one. It’s forced.

I grab her hands and weave my fingers through hers like I used to do, watching our hands move together. “Okay, I feel like we have to address the years you were away, so they don’t taint our future. I want you to feel okay sharing things you saw and did. I want to hear your stories about your adventures. They’re a part of you, and I want to know about them.”

There’s a solemn glint to her eyes. “Why? It’s just time when I wasn’t with you.”

“It makes me happy to know you were happy back then. Believe it or not, I had some fun and happiness during that time too.”

She laughs, and her head falls to my shoulder. “I liked a bunch of different places for different reasons. Holland was amazing though.” She peeks up at me as if she’s saying thank you. “I’d love to take you there. Bodhi too.”

“We’ll plan a trip.”

“I enjoyed traveling around, and when I took pictures for a local hotel and then another one, finding a name for myself in that space, it was worth it because they paid all my travel costs. But eventually it’s tiring not to have a home. A place where you walk in and just unwind in your own space with your things and your memories.”

“I get it. After a long season, it’s so nice to be home all the time.” I can’t imagine eight straight years of shifting my home base all the time.

She shrugs. “I think that’s why when I came back and spent time at home, I knew I was done traveling. I was just worried about… us.”

“Understandable. It was hard for me too since we were so ingrained in one another’s lives, right? I have my own relationship with Reed and your mom. I see the twins a lot. You’ve seen Bodhi with them. But I never knew where I stood, you know? After you left, I stayed away for a little bit.”

She sighs. “When did you finally feel better about seeing them?”

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