Page 57 of The Painter and His Poet

She gives me a sympathetic look. “Sterling…” she warns, and I know where she’s going with this.

“You think she’d reject me, is that what you’re getting at?”

“No, that’s not what I think at all, but your synesthesia is an integral part of who you are. If you’re not willing to share that side of yourself with her, what makes you think that the risk of forming a real and lasting relationship with her is worth the cost of your father’s wrath if you can’t, at the very least, be completely honest with her?”

“I know you’re right, but my synesthesia isn’t my most pressing concern. My father and his reaction is. I don’t know what he’d do if we were to pursue a relationship, but I do know it wouldn’t be good.”

“Herein lies the problem,” she muses.

“So what do I do?”

“Sterling, you’re a grown man, and you will come to the right decision in your own time. I think, perhaps, you need to really decide if the consequences of your actions are worth the risk.IsHarlow worth it?”

“Yes,” I reply instantly, because despite everything, I know that she is. “This isn’t just a sexual attraction, Stephanie.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that it is. I just think that you need to be certain of your feelings, your intentions, and the consequences of your actions.”

“I am.”

“Then I guess you have your answer…” Her voice trails off as she takes my hand in hers and squeezes it gently. “But you need to remember that this isn’t just about you, youhaveto consider Harlow’s feelings too. Not only that, you have to consider how your father, and her mother will treat her if you were to commit to a relationship. Do you really want her to experience his cruelty like you have on countless occasions over the years? You know how hateful and vindictive he can be.”

“Of course I don’t want–” I begin, but she cuts me off with a shake of her head.

“Not wanting her to experience your father’s cruelty, and having the ability to prevent it are two very different things, Sterling. Just think about this some more, okay?”

“So what you’re saying is we both have to forgo any kind of happiness just in case my father turns on us both?”

“I’m afraid, Sterling, that’s exactly what I’m saying, because you know as well as I what he’s capable of.”

With that, Stephanie gives my hand one last squeeze before opening the door to her car and sliding into her seat, leaving me reeling.

After my conversation with Stephanie a few nights ago, my resolve to make Harlow mine has wavered. Not because I feel any differently about her, but because Stephanie’s warning about my father hit home. This isn’t just about me, and I’ve beengoing back and forth for days now trying to figure out what the fuck to do.

The truth is, whilst I’ve learned how to handle my father over the years, Harlow hasn’t. She has no idea of the lengths he would go to to fuck us both over. Do I really want her to find out?

“Fuck,” I mutter, pushing off my duvet cover as winter sunlight streams through a strip in my curtains, dust motes dancing in the air around me as I stand.

Reaching for my phone on my bedside cabinet, I notice that it’s almost midday and I’ve missed several calls from Dalton, and a few from my father. Deciding that the last thing I want to do is speak with my father, I hit the dial on Dalton’s number. He picks up within seconds.

“Sterling, I’ve been trying to reach you for fucking hours!” he shouts down the line.

“Good morning to you too, arsehole,” I grumble, regretting my decision to call him back. Knowing him he’s got himself into some kind of shit with a woman, and can’t call Drix like he usually does to get himself out of it.

“Lia’s in hospital. Daisy too,” he bites out.

“What?” I exclaim, tensing.

“Lia’s cunt of an ex turned up at their house this morning whilst Drix was out, he hurt Lia. Drix called me to let me know. I wanted to go to the hospital and check on her and Daisy but he fucking warned me away, Sterling.”

“How badly is Lia hurt?”

“I don’t know much other than she’s going to be okay. Drix got there in time, beat him to a pulp. Called the police on the bastard. He’s been arrested.”

“Good.”

“You know that’s not how we usually deal with shit like this, Sterling. We don’t get the police involved, we handle this kind of thing ourselves.”

“Drix made the right call. The last thing he needs right now is to go to prison for murder.”

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