He began moving faster and faster, not going any deeper than I’d taken him in before. The sound of water sloshing around threatened to get me going all over again, but it didn’t take long before he let out a grunt, then stilled, both of us going quiet.For what seemed like hours, the only sound in the room was the bubble of the hot tub jets and our own heavy breathing.
That was when fear set in.
Had I just given my innocence to someone who lived way up here in the mountains? What was my plan exactly? Give up my dreams of working on a marketing team in an office to move to the mountains where there were literally no marketing firms. Sure, I might be able to work remotely, but it wasn’t the same as showing up every day in an office and being part of something bigger. Could I give all that up?
The answer was yes. I would give all that up for love. But I had to know it was actually love. On my side, it sure seemed like it was. But was it too soon to know for sure?
“Holy damn,” he said, pulling out. “I need to sit down after that.”
I didn’t budge. I’d put both hands on the ledge after my orgasm and now had to will myself to remove them. I was gripping the side like it was a life raft.
When I was fully standing, I turned, managing to do a twist that put most of my body underwater by the time I was on the seat. And that was when I knew what was going on with my mixed-up brain.
I was afraid. My friends were right. I’d shied away from getting physically involved with a guy because I didn’t want to let someone get that close to me. If I did, I could get hurt.
“Oh, no,” he said. “You’re having second thoughts. Are you okay? Are you in pain? What can I do?”
His concern only made it worse. It showed he cared. I wasn’t used to that—to someone checking in on my feelings. Tears welled in my eyes. I willed them to go away, but they spilled down my cheeks as if in protest.
“I’m fine,” I said. “I just need a second to get myself together.”
He was staring at me now, and the look in his eyes told me he wasn’t going to let up anytime soon. Not when it came to making sure I was okay. I may as well open up to him.
“Oh fuck,” he said. “You’re crying. Christ. I’m sorry. Don’t. Shit.”
I shook my head. “It’s not you. I’m just scared. Terrified.”
“Of what?”
“That you’re going to hurt me.” I saw him about to protest, so I added, “Like everyone else in my life has hurt me.”
Was it hurt or disappointment? Either way, it could be put on me for expecting things from people. But I didn’t think it was too much to expect that my parents give me the same love and nurturing that my friends got from their parents. It wasn’t like my expectations were all that high.
“My dad’s a pretty successful financial advisor,” I told Brandon. “By the time I was in elementary school, he’d already moved us to one of the wealthiest areas of Charlotte. He knew how to invest, and he just kept getting richer and richer. I guess I was pretty lucky.
Brandon narrowed his eyes and shifted his head to the right a little. “But…?”
“But I didn’t have what a lot of my friends had. A warm home with two parents who asked me how my day went and cared about my growth. Mostly, they just wanted me to be quiet and stay out of the way. I’ve always had this ache, this need to find a family. I thought I’d found it with my college friends, but…” I laughed. “You see where that got me.”
“Having sex with a guy you just met in a hot tub?”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t like that. Not for me. I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t feel an instant connection to you. I hope you feel the same.”
“I do. And I would never hurt you. I’d kick the ass of anyone who tried.”
Not only did I believe every word of that, his words went straight to my heart. I knew in that moment that I’d never have to worry about feeling unloved again. This guy would be the family I’d always hoped for.
And someday we’d have kids of our own that we’d lavish with attention. All the attention I’d been missing my entire life.
EPILOGUE
KACIE
“Spend Valentine’s Day on a lift with your love. What do you think?”
I set down my fork and looked around the table. My husband and kids were my biggest fans and my harshest critics. Well, the kids were anyway. Brandon didn’t criticize as much as suggest.
“Who wants to spend Valentine’s Day on a ski lift?” our seven-year-old, Benjamin, asked.