Page 24 of Pledge Of A Bobcat

However, the more I tried to push thoughts of him out of my head, the more that came. A tangled web of emotions built layer by layer. So, I did what I always did—I focused on Serenity.

I gave her a bath and then helped her into her pajamas. I monitored her while she brushed her teeth. Afterward, I read her a story while she snuggled into my side. Throughout all of this, I wasn’t really there. I was with Ellis, reliving the moment when he’d looked at me and saidYou saved melike I was the only thing that mattered in that moment.

When Serenity finally drifted to sleep, I kissed her forehead and quietly left the room, hoping a cup of chamomile tea wouldcalm my restless mind. As I made my way into the living room, I found Aunt Maribel standing at the front window, staring out.

Was Xander out there?

“Is something wrong?” I asked, alarm nipping at my insides.

She glanced over her shoulder at me, her lips forming a small, amused smile. “Oh, nothing’s wrong, dear,” she said lightly. “I was merely wondering whether Ellis intends to camp out in that truck of his till dawn, or if he’s simply waiting for the stars to give him a nudge and come inside.”

I hurried to the window. “What?”

Sure enough, there was his truck. I could barely make out the front end of it because it was partially hidden behind the trees and bushes off to the side of the driveway.

“What is he still doing here?” I asked, thinking out loud. “Has he been out there this whole time?”

“Why don’t you go ask him?”

I shook my head. “What if Serenity wakes up and needs me? What if she wants a glass of water because her throat hurts again or if she wants me to read another story to her?” My excuses tumbled out, one after the other, each one weaker than the last.

Aunt Maribel took a step closer and I shifted to face her, noticing the soft look reflected in her eyes. “Rachel,” she said. “You can’t keep letting the past hold your heart hostage. Life’s meant to be lived, not just survived. I promise, if Serenity needs anything, I’ll be right here. Now, go see what’s waiting for you out there with Ellis.”

Her words felt like a gentle push, and something inside me shifted—a door cracked open. It scared me, but there was also another part of me that was excited. A part that wanted to step through and see what was on the other side.

I moved to the door and then hesitated.

“Go on,” Aunt Maribel urged again. “Sometimes the best way to honor the past is to keep living. James would want you to be happy. He’d want you to find love again.”

She was right. I knew she was.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. The chilly night air nipped at my skin as I stepped out onto the porch. My heart pounded while I walked down the steps and toward his truck. I could barely see him through the windshield, but he was watching me.

What was I going to say to him?

My gaze met his through the passenger window, and before I knew what I planned to say, I opened the door and climbed inside. I shut the door swiftly behind me, sealing out the cold, and then soaked in the warmth.

“Hi,” I breathed when he didn’t say anything. “What are you doing sitting out here? Didn’t you go home?”

He shook his head. “My bobcat won’t let me leave. Not after everything that happened today.”

Was he talking about what happened with Xander at the grave or the kiss?

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” he said, before I could ask him to clarify. “I’m sorry, but I can’t ignore whatever this is between us. It’s not just physical—it’s everything, Rachel. My bobcat feels pulled to you. It’s something I can’t walk away from—something I don’t want to walk away from.”

My heart twisted, guilt and longing collided inside me. I’d been so caught up in my own emotions that I hadn’t considered what he might be feeling.

“I’m sorry too,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I shouldn’t have pulled away and shut down like that. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you did anything wrong. I’m just trying to figure things out.”

His jaw tensed, but his eyes remained soft as he held my stare. “I get it, I do, and I don’t want to push you. I’ll be whatever you need me to be—no pressure, no expectations—but I can’t pretend I don’t feel this connection to you. I can’t pretend that I don’t need you to be in my life. I’m not strong enough to just walk away. Neither is my bobcat.”

My chest ached with the sincerity of his words. Even though there was a part of me that wanted to run and hide behind the grief that had been my shield for so long I knew I couldn’t.

Not anymore.

“I’m scared,” I admitted, holding his gaze. “And I feel guilty, and honestly, I don’t know how to deal with that. But I don’t want to let it stop me from living.”

“Then don’t. You’re allowed to live. You’re allowed to feel, and to love again.”

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