Page 132 of Hard Luck (Blackstone House)

“Talk? I get that you see yourself as a monster. I get that you think you’re unlovable. I get that you find it hard to trust people, and you’ve spent so long alone that you struggle to share with somebody else.”

“I never said any of that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“And I’m not alone. I share a house with nine other people.”

“How many of them are in your bed?”

“None. But seven of them are women, and I’m mostly straight. One of the men is gay, and the other is old enough to be my father.”

Technically. I was twenty-nine; Priest was forty-five and heading for silver fox territory.

“Mostly straight?”

“I’ll take one for the team if I have to.”

Occasionally, it was even fun.

“Somehow, you’re the most selfless and selfish person I’ve ever met.” Cole sat beside me on the pile of heroin. “This isn’t me forgiving you for everything you didn’t tell me. But I can’t turn my feelings on and off the way you do. I loved you yesterday, and yeah, I’m really fucking pissed at you, but I don’t not love you today.” He pulled my dive knife out of his shorts’ pocket and handed it to me. “If you’re going to rip out my heart, do it properly.”

“You can’t love me.”

“My feelings are a real fucking mess right now. The only thing I know for sure is that I hate the thought of never seeing you again.”

“I’d never be able to give you what you want.”

“And what do I want, Bella? Jerry? Whatever your name is.”

“Jezebel,” I whispered. “Call me Jezebel.”

“Jezebel.” The briefest smile played across Cole’s lips. “I like it. And I also like independent women. Years ago, I read a magazine article that said women hate a man who talks about his exes, so I try not to do that, but you’re not like any woman I’ve ever met. So let me tell you about Gretchen. She was beautiful. Beautiful and needy. Since she was my first real girlfriend, I thought it was normal for her to call sixteen times if I was ten minutes late getting home. I was flatteredwhen she asked for my opinion on her clothes, and I learned to gush praise because anything less sent her running back to the closet and made us late for wherever we were going. She took a course so she could dive with me, but she hated night diving, and currents, and shore diving because the sand got into her wetsuit, so the number of sites I could visit kept decreasing, but she still managed to make our relationship look great on social media. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple.” Cole corrected himself. “Almost everyone.”

Uh-oh. I thought I knew what was coming…

“I thought it was sweet that she brought drinks and snacks for my friends if they came over, but now I look back and realise she was flirting with Marcus right in front of me.” Called it. “I gave her everything I was capable of giving, and it still wasn’t enough.” Cole didn’t look at me, but he did twine his fingers through mine. “I thought you were perfect. There when I needed you, no pressure to give when I had nothing left in the tank. Plus you saved my life twice. Maybe three times if that story about those men at Uncle Mike’s place is true.”

“It’s true.” And nowIhad a lump in my throat. “But as I said, in hindsight, I think they were just there to scare you.”

“With guns?” Cole didn’t sound certain.

“Whoever provided the loan would never have gotten his money back if they’d killed you.”

“He won’t get it back anyway—I don’t have a million bucks kicking around.”

“He won’t get it back because I’m going to educate him on his mistakes.”

“Please, no more bodies.”

“I will absolutely fuck him up in a different way.”

Cole squeezed my hand. “It isn’t your problem.”

“When I picked you up that night in the Black Diamond, it became my problem.” I squeezed his handback. “If we were in a parallel universe where I had a different job, one where I was capable of letting my emotions do as they pleased, you would be the man I’d love.”

The silence stretched my nerves tauter than any terrorist had ever done.

“I’ll take that,” Cole said finally. “For now.”

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