Page 9 of A Boy Called Lovesong

I couldn’t smell any of that in the morgue, only hospital-grade disinfectant and metal slabs.

No, how could it be him lying there?

How could it possibly be him?

A big silly mistake.

That’s all it was.

That’s what I kept telling myself.

I wanted to tell the mortician that too, this was all some big silly mistake…

I wanted to ask if I could scratch my signature off the forms I’d signed…

I wanted to take it all back.

But before I could say a word, he lifted the sheet, and everything went blank.

I knew I hadn’t fainted.

I was cognizant enough to come home with a box of his personal belongings and the clothes he’d been wearing at the time.

I remember pulling out the step ladder in our closet and shoving the box on the highest shelf on the right-hand side, where I wouldn’t have to see it or think about it till tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that and the day after that and the day after that.

It was the same with phone calls.

I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep holding everyone at bay, but I also didn’t give a fuck.

There was nothing anyone had to say to me that couldn’t wait.

The whole world could wait now.

I frankly didn’t give a—

“Oh fuck.”

Chet and I were returning from the dog park when I turned the corner onto our street, glanced toward our house and saw them standing on our doorstep dressed in black.

“You gotta be shitting me.”

Regina and Dennis, Joel’s sister and her husband, were glaring impatiently at the house. Regina was hammering on the door relentlessly while Dennis was trying to peer through the front window into the living room even though I’d pulled the drapes shut.

Instantly I turned on my heel, about to retreat back to the dog park, when I heard Regina shout. “There he is. Noah! I see you!”

My shoulders deflated so much that the leash went slack between me and Chet.

Slowly I turned back toward the house.

I didn’t wave.

I didn’t smile.

I simply marched solemnly toward whatever dreaded encounter was about to unfold.

“Coffee?”

I sat a tray on the coffee table and Regina lifted the rather dramatic black lace veil from her face so she could drink.

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