Page 12 of A Boy Called Lovesong

“Perhaps it’s because you’re a bunch of judgmental, hypocritical assholes.”

Dennis gasped.

Regina simply sat there as a condescending smirk slowly appeared on her face. Without even turning to her husband, she said, “See Dennis? I told you he’d be difficult.”

How desperately I wanted Joel to come walking through the door at that moment and jump to my defense.

How desperately I wanted him to prove everyone wrong; to laugh and say, “I fooled you all, I’m not dead after all!”

The heavy black rocks inside my chest struck one another, giving off a tiny spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, the handle on the front door was about to turn.

But instead of that happening, Regina simply pushed the gaudy silver urn across the coffee table toward me. “We have no intention of attending whatever service you’re planning to hold for my brother. Keep your queer celebrations to yourself. But we have absolutely no intention of letting you keep all his ashes.”

I shook my head. “No. I’m not dividing him up like a cup of flour or sugar. Joel isn’t cake.”

“Well, he can’t stay here. He deserves to rest in a place of purity, in a home that’s close to God. Not wallow in this house of debauchery and despair.”

“I’m his partner.”

“Youwerehis partner. I’m his sister. I’m his family and always will be. You… you’re nothing to him now. What even are you? You’re not a widow, you’re not a widower. No, those words imply the presence of a woman. The love of a woman. But when two men choose to live in sin, what does one become when the other dies? There’s no word that exists for it… because you should not exist. There was never a place for you on God’s earth… and there is no name for you now.”

“My name is Noah. That’s all anyone needs to call me.”

Regina laughed. “How ironic. When the rest of the world drowned in a sea of wickedness, Noah built a boat. His storyserves as a constant reminder that all sinners will be judged. Yet here you are telling us you weren’t raised religiously. Why on earth did your parents choose such a biblical name if you’re not religious? Was it ignorance? Vanity? Disrespect for the word of the Lord?”

I stood from the couch. “I think you need to leave now.”

Regina stood and shouldered her handbag. “Happily. We’ll be back in one week to collect our half of my brother’s ashes. After that, you’ll never see us again.”

I didn’t walk them to the door.

I let them close it behind them.

But I did lock it as soon as they were gone.

I wanted to keep it locked forever.

CHAPTER 2

“Get the fuck out.”

The second I set foot in the kitchen, Margot was waving me away. “But people are arriving and I wanna make sure the deviled eggs are ready, and the fondue is just the way Joel likes it, and I need to—”

“Do nothing. You need todo nothing. I’ve organized the caterers, they know what they’re doing, and I bet their deviled eggs are a shitload better than yours, no offense. Now all you need to do is get the fuck out of the kitchen and do nothing. Smile for your guests if you want to. Cry if you want to. But you don’t need to do a goddamn thing this afternoon, Noah. These people are here for you, not the other way around. Are we clear?”

Before I could respond, she gave me a shove and pushed me out of the kitchen and into the living room where people were beginning to file into the house.

As they greeted me, their heads tended to tilt.

Their eyes watered.

Their brows creased with concern and sympathy and pity.

That was a beautiful service.

Joel would have loved it.

How are you holding up?

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