Page 11 of A Boy Called Lovesong

I changed the subject by answering his initial question. “That was taken in Hamburg, outside the Steinway factory. That’s Joel’s friend Hannah in the picture with us. She arranged the tour of the factory. She and Joel work together at Juilliard.” I realized I had used the present tense and quickly corrected myself before Regina had a chance. “Worked. They worked together.”

“Hamburg is where again?” If anyone was going to ask a stupid question it was Dennis.

I put the picture back on the mantle, turning it to face exactly the way it was facing before. “Germany. Hamburg is in Germany.”

Dennis gave a mocking chuckle. “Why on earth the two of you ever felt the need to travel is beyond us. A waste of time ifyou ask us. There’s only one passport that really matters, and that’s the passport to heaven, right Regina?”

“Amen, dear. Which brings me back to the reason we’re here.” From her large black handbag, Regina produced an ornate silver urn adorned with crucifixes and sat it on the coffee table.

“What is that?”

On another day or week or month or even in another lifetime I might have tried to hide the defensive tone in my voice. But my reactions were raw and like I said before, façades were hard.

“What does it look like?” Regina clearly had no intention of hiding her tone either. Hers was blunt. Aggressive. Ready to attack. “It’s an urn. Joel’s urn.”

I shook my head. “I haven’t chosen an urn for Joel yet. And if I had, that’s not it.”

“Yes it is. At least, for our half of the ashes it is.”

“What? No.”

“Oh Noah, don’t do what you always do.”

“And what’s that?”

“Make things difficult. Ever since you waltzed into Joel’s life, you’ve made things difficult.”

“Difficult? Like how? Like when?”

“Like when we invited you to Thanksgiving dinner and you embarrassed yourself by not knowing the words to Grace.”

“I wasn’t raised religious. I’ve never said Grace in my life.”

“Or the time you started adding your signature to the cards Joel sent to the family at Christmas.”

“But everyone knew who I was. Joel and I told your family we were together.”

“Just because you choose to tell people that, doesn’t necessarily make it so. Not to those who choose to believe otherwise. And especially not on Jesus’ birthday.”

“It doesn’t matter what peoplechooseto believe. The fact is, Joel and I—”

“Then there was the time I asked you as politely as I couldnotto attend cousin Verity’s wedding because it would make things awkward for everyone if Joel turned up with… you.”

“You never asked me not to attend your cousin’s wedding.”

“Of course not, I asked Joel… who outright refused to attend if he couldn’t take you as his plus one.”

“I’m not his plus one. I’m his partner.”

“Youwerehis partner. The lies I had to tell to cover for my brother’s absence that day. May the Lord forgive me. My point is, whether you knew about the kerfuffle over Verity’s wedding or not, you once again ended up making things difficult for everyone. That’s what your kind do, after all. When you’re not making a fuss about who you are, you’re making things difficult for everyone else.”

“My kind?”

“You know what I mean. All that flag waving and rainbow stealing. All that pride nonsense. How ridiculous and vain you all are.”

I felt my nostrils flare. “I’d like to see you say that to Joel’s face.”

“I can’t, Noah. He’s dead. Remember? But Icansay it to you now he’s gone. I can rain on your pride parade as much as I want. You do know that pride is one of the seven deadly sins, don’t you? I can only pray the Lord spares Joel from whatever eternal damnation awaits the rest of you. He was a good boy, you know. A loving brother. An obedient son. He deserved a better life than the one you gave him. He deserved a long, happy, righteous life. Why he chose to stray from his faith, I’ll never know.”

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