Page 54 of Under the Arabian Sky

“Saleem, the only person being insulting right now is you,” warned Zahra. “It’s been a long and difficult day. Can we all please come together and appreciate that we have each other.”

“For now,” said Tariq’s father in a grim tone. “Who knows how long that will last?”

“Father, the doctor said there’s a good chance you can beat this again.”

“He also said that on the other hand, if the cancer has metastasised, my five-year survival rate drops to twenty percent.”

“And that’s something we’ll face if and when it comes to that,” said Zahra. “In the meantime, would somebody please pour me a glass of wine.”

Tariq was swift to serve his mother, who quickly raised the glass in need of a first sip.

Both Tariq and I raised our glasses to drink with her.

At the head of the table, Tariq’s father gave us all a scowl. “I may be able to turn a blind eye to the indulgences that occur at this dinner table… but I cannot allow any affection between two men to occur under this roof. Is that clear?”

“Saleem, leave your son and his friend alone. You’re in a bad mood, we understand. Can we please just keep things civil… just for one night?”

Tariq’s father slammed his fist down on the table. “No! Tariq has been warned… but if he wants to practice a life of debauchery and sin, he can do it elsewhere as far as I’m concerned.”

“Which is precisely my plan,” said Tariq, his voice filled with the same stubbornness as his father’s. “Why else do you think I’m building the new falcon hospital? It’s so that I can finally be my own man.”

“You should have been your own man long ago. You can’t expect your mother to look after you your entire life.”

“Saleem, that is not fair,” Zahra chimed in. “Tariq was ready to leave home years ago. Then you became sick, and he decided to stay and help me look after you. He put his life on hold for you, he helped pay for your medical bills. I could not have cared for you without his support. And now you accuse him of not moving out soon enough?”

“I’m accusing him of betraying his culture, of betraying Allah, of betraying his own father, so that he can revel in his own wicked desires.”

“That’s enough, Saleem. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Me? I’m not the one who has brought a stranger into our home for nothing more than sexual gratification.”

I spluttered on my wine. “I think I should be going.”

I stood, but Zahra reached across and grabbed my forearm, promptly pulling me back into my chair. “Sit. My husband will apologise… immediately!”

“I will do nothing of the sort. I’ve seen the way these two men look at one another. Do they think we’re stupid? Do they think we’re blind? No, because our son doesn’t even try to hide it. Quite the contrary, he flaunts it in my face every chance he gets.”

“I do nothing of the kind, Father. I respect your beliefs as much as I can. I keep my personal life as private as possible, just so it doesn’t upset you. I hide my true self from view, just so it doesn’t interfere with your expectations of me. But like it or not, I am your son, and my patience can be as short as yours sometimes. There is only so much hiding I can do. There is only so much pretending I can do before something inside me breaks.”

“The only thing broken in you is your soul. You speak of life as though it is something you get to enjoy. Your life is not yours to do as you please. You are here to serve Allah, and nothing else.”

“No, Father. That’s whatyouwant. All I want is the freedom to be myself.”

“If you think it’s freedom you want, you are fooling yourself,” Tariq’s father laughed. “What you want is to fulfil your desires, just like everyone in the west. They think that getting everything they want will make them happy. They think fulfilling their every desire will give them freedom. Inourworld, wanting everything is the one thing that will keep you in chains. Inourworld, true happiness means being free of our desires. Only then will we know salvation in Paradise.”

“I don’t want to be saved in the next life, Father. I want to be loved in this one.”

“And you can be if you choose the right sort of love… the love of a woman.”

“That’s not who I am.”

“Then you must change who you are.”

“How can I live a life of truth if I cannot even be true to myself.”

“No Muslim can be true to himself unless he is true to Allah first.”

“Then I shall turn my back on Allah and all he preaches.”

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