Page 12 of Elusive Embrace

“I…” I don’t want to promise that. I shouldn’t have to promise him but then… it doesn’t really cost me anything and I’m not planning to see Matt again anyway.

“Promise me!” His hand is closing tightly around my throat and he holds me against the wall. It hurts but I won’t complain.

“I… promise.” Al lets go of me before casually dropping onto the sofa and switching on the TV.

“I’ll take a shower,” I whisper. He doesn’t react so I tiptoe to the bathroom. My legs feel shaky and I hold onto furniture.

As the bathroom door clicks shut behind me a small sob escapes. I catch sight of red fingerprints on my neck. I bruise easily and these marks will definitely show. Luckily it’s autumn so I can hide them under scarves and polo necks.

Al doesn’t lose his temper often but when he does he always apologises, and I do too. I know I’ve pushed him too far and I should know better.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m with him. It’s not love and it never was, I know that. Maybe loneliness. A while ago, I promised myself that if it happened again, if he lost his temper again, I’d leave him. And yet here I am.

I force myself to look in the mirror which I haven’t really done in a long time. Of course, I glance in the mirror but I never make eye contact with myself. It’s unsettling because I’m not sure I recognise the person staring back at me. The person I used to be would have walked away by now. I had no hesitation in leaving Matt and he was the love of my life.

Matt.I face the mirror and try to picture what Matt might have seen tonight. I’ve lost some weight recently, so my cheekbones are more pronounced; Al doesn’t like us eating carbs. My eyes look dull and there are dark circles underneath them. And I’molder than I was the last time I saw Matt. I wonder if there’s still a bit ofhisbookworm in me somewhere, hiding away.

On the other hand, Matt looked good. A bit of grey in his hair but his dark eyes were full of sparkle. He looked like the boy I knew and the man I married, but with age he’s gained a layer of ruggedness that—

“Stop it!” I hiss, splashing cold water on my face. I need to forget about him. Matt is my past and I walked away from that past.

“Boss!” Leo’s voice carries from the entrance to the woods. I look up from the vegetable patch where I’ve been clearing nettles.

“Everything okay?” I call out. He just waves me over so I drop my tools and head in his direction.

“Look,” he says, pointing into a bush. A fawn is trying to hide, pressing itself into the ground instead of standing or running away. It’s unusual for it to be so still and I can’t see any other deer around—it must be lost.

I move closer, signalling to Leo to stay back. As I bend down I notice the fawn’s body rising and falling quickly—it’s scared. I gently stroke its head. It tries to move but lets out a little cry and I see one of its legs is sticking out awkwardly.

“Leo,” I say calmly so not to alert the fawn, “run to reception please and ask them to call the vet. Then come back with a bowl of water and some rope or something to keep it from running off. It needs help.”

“Okay,” Leo whispers and I hear him sprinting away.

“Who are you, little one? I’m Natalie but my friends call me Nat,” I say softly, continuing to stroke its head. I can feel its heartbeat slowing a bit. “That’s it. No need to be scared. We’re here to help you. You can trust me.”

The fawn’s black eyes stay fixed on me and it seems a little less stressed, which is all I can hope for.

It isn’t long before I hear footsteps behind me.

“Boss, I’ve got water and rope,” Leo whispers.

“Great. Come closer, but slowly.” I glance at him as he carefully approaches. He holds out the thin washing line from the shed we use to hang wet clothes after a downpour. I make a loop and gently place it around the fawn’s neck, talking to it all the while. Then I scoop some water from the bowl and hold it out. It takes little convincing for it to start lapping it up.

“The vet’s on the way,” Leo tells me, reaching out to stroke the fawn gently.

“Good. Why don’t you go back to the entrance and wait for him? Bring him here when he arrives,” I suggest.

“Sure,” Leo replies, slipping away. I sit down on the damp earth, not minding the cold seeping through my clothes. If I can keep this little fawn calm I’ll have done something good today.

It feels like forever until I hear footsteps in the distance. And then there is the voice I had promised myself yesterday I wouldn’t hear again any time soon.

“Hey,” Matt says softly as he ducks into the bush. The fawn’s heart starts racing again so I gently stroke it to reassure it that everything’s okay.

“I think something’s wrong with its leg,” I say. Matt carefully brushes against the fawn, and when it lets him touch it he lifts it up to get a better look.

“That doesn’t look good, poor thing,” he murmurs. “I’ll have to take it with me.” He drapes a blanket over the fawn and lifts it gently. The fawn lets out a small cry for a moment, but then it settles down, perhaps because it’s too weak or because it trusts Matt.

I follow Matt to his car after telling Leo to head back to work.

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