Page 55 of Married to the Devil

And now I’m back as a married woman and with a bunch of unbelievable news.

“Wow.” Katarina’s hands rub over her baby bump thoughtfully. “I knew that Ben wanted you, but Stoneheart also wanting Ben is a surprise.”

“Fuck, you can’t tell Kalos,” I say, annoyed at myself for not considering that. “He can’t have any reason to doubt Ben’s loyalty. Ben would never leave him.”

Katarina waves my concern away. “Kalos is a big bad dragon. He can make his own decisions about his organization.”

I breathed a sigh in relief. “So yeah, that’s me, also the terms must have been good enough for Ben because I got tongue fucked into oblivion.”

Katarina snorts before becoming serious again. “And that solved the whole, people wanting you to consummate your marriage?”

“Seems to have for now at least,” I say, not including that the very action seems to have led to opening a can of worms of imaginings that leave me squirming.

“And Stoneheart was, like, there?” Katarina whispers, a little scandalized but more marveling.

I choke out a laugh. “Don’t get any ideas. Kalos would fry someone before doing the same. Stoneheart doesn’t feel the same about me as your mate does about you.”

Katarina frowns. “Just because someone wants to share, doesn’t mean that his feelings for you are less.”

I shake my head. “You’re right. Obviously, in general, people can have deep feelings and be polyamorous. I just…” My shoulders fall. “He doesn’t feel that way about me.”

Something did seem to be bothering him last night if his biting tone was anything to take note of. If he were anyone else, I’d assume it was jealousy, but it’s his plan. Why would he go along with it if it made him jealous?

“Are you sure?” Katarina asks.

I shrug. “No. He’s a vault. There’s no way of knowing his true intentions. So, for now, it’s better for me to believe he doesn’t feel that way about me.” Because if I believe differently, I’ll start deluding myself like I did the first night.

Katarina hums. “This all explains why Ben was so quiet this morning.”

“Quiet how?” I ask and want to castigate myself for it, but Katarina understands. If anyone can empathize with having feelings for someone who acts emotionally unavailable, it’s her. Kalos wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows when she started living with him. He’s still not all sunshine and rainbows unless he’s looking at his mate.

The love he shows for Katarina makes the clusterfuck I’m dealing with worth it. I’m glad my friend is happy and loved. She deserves it.

Katarina sips from her tea before responding. “Not a bad quiet. Like he was thinking.”

I hate the way he left after what we did last night. It felt like he’d led me up a mountain with each lick, and when I held out my hand for the last step, he pushed me to fall.

I keep having to remind myself that he hasn’t made me any promises.

Stoneheart had been surprisingly comforting last night. Not with words, but with affection that mirrored what I’ve read aftercare is like, carrying me to our bedroom when my limbs were at their most noodle-y and cleaning me up. I’d been so surprised that I let him do it.

But that didn’t stop me from waking up alone in the bed.

I shake my head. “I feel at odds with this. Like if I think about it for too long, I’ll build it into something it’s not, but what else am I supposed to do? I have no purpose. I took some comfort before the wedding thinking that at least at the beginning, Stoneheart and I would be building a relationship together.”

Katarina’s face softens in understanding.

“I was all in,” I say. It’s hard to confess that, and I frown in frustration. “But Stoneheart has been clear that isn’t going to be my role, and he doesn’t seem to want me involved in the territory no matter how often I ask to help.”

I make an empty gesture, running out of words. I want to kick ass at what I do, and without that, I’m lost. Like a core part of me is left dangling in the wind with the rest of my attributes that don’t quite fit anymore.

“Was your life’s purpose before the wedding only about revenge?” Katarina asks without judgment.

“No.” I blow out a breath, trying to remember how I was just a week and a half ago. Yes, I had that smoldering anger against Lorenzo Leonid, but I was settled in my life. “I was filling a need by helping people with my charms. Now my aunt wants me to take her place on the board for the organization that runs the nonprofits in the territory. She thinks that it will help people learn to trust me.”

Ariel had detailed this all in an email she sent not too long after our meeting. My aunt seems to be full of all kinds of ideas.

“But you’re not feeling it?”

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