I finally finishthe last of the emails I needed to send and pull up names of the scholars who study serpent kin lore who would have books about the history of Chosen. I grit my teeth and scroll down to a scholar who isn’t serpent kin to start. It helps that this one’s focus is in Chosen rituals and is the most promising lead I have.

I’ll have to deal with other serpent kin eventually, but I don’t foresee them being especially helpful. Unless… I use Ari’s name in the conversation.

I shoot off a text message to Ari asking for permission. He responds instantly.

Ari: Of course. You left early this morning.

I try to push down the welling guilt. I’ve never spent the entire night at Ari’s place. Did he expect something different than an early morning departure?

Me: I usually get to the library early.

He doesn’t respond to that, and I move on to dialing the number I have for the scholar on my office phone, trying to dispel any strange emotions that cling to me around Ari with busywork. If the matter wasn’t urgent, I’d just email the scholars, but there’s a song and dance that comes with asking for this type of information.

He picks up. “Dr. Casey Kay speaking.”

“Dr. Kay, It’s Director Adder—” I start.

“Oh, Director Adder, just call me Casey! I haven’t heard from your institution in a while. I didn’t know if you still had my contact info.”

I dig deep for the gregariousness needed for this type of needling. “You know how rare serpent kin books are. I’m calling on another matter that I think the collection you work with may help.”

“I love to aid in the search for knowledge!”

Which is what they all say, but it’s a promising start.

“I’m looking for any books or passages specifically about Chosen,” I say, trying to keep the topic vague. This scholar isn’t serpent kin, but he has connections for his research. It wouldn’t do to make anyone curious. At least using Ari’s name will help diffuse some parties should the word get out.

“I can think of a few chapters here and there. I’ll scan anything that isn’t already in the Archive and send it over to you,” Casey says.

“Much appreciated.”

“Of course! Your library and the Archive are such a resource in my research. Any hints on who else is researching serpent kin lore? Any up-and-coming academics I need to worry about?” he jokingly asks, trying to get a scoop on any competition for funding from the Serpent Circle or Council.

I roll my eyes, amused. Academics. “No, you’re still one of the few. This is only about a specific question an acquaintance of mine has.”

“Very good!” He proceeds to talk my ear off about a new book that was added to his collection and he’s on the lookout for another it references. I make noises at adequate intervals. Eventually the conversation dies down and I gratefully say goodbyes, hoping he gets me those documents sooner rather than later.

I call a couple of more renowned scholars who are serpent kin and get the expected number of sneers before wielding Ari’s name like a cleaver. The effect is instant and causes a headache to build from the tenseness of my jaw with just how eager they are to help. It’s unfair, but life is rarely fair.

I have a moment of doubt at connecting Ari’s name to mine in the serpent kin community but shake it away. No one would suspect our involvement with each other. We’ve always been careful about our interactions.

Though if Ari wants what I think he does, that won’t matter. I try not to ponder on just what Ari is planning. He asked me to trust him and… I do. He undoubtedly has a strategy, but I trust him with myself and more importantly, I trust him with Emilia.

He won’t do anything that will hurt her.

An ache builds as I go through my tasks, and it takes until I get done with the last scholar on the list that I identify it.

I don’t want to be here.

I want to be with them.

I rest my head in my hands. For the first time in a long time, sitting in this office doing the work necessary to keep the only status I have in the world is a struggle. I would rather be with Ari and Emilia as he explores and teaches her about her capabilities.

I’d left early this morning to try and cut short any emotions I may have.

To cut the longing away before it could start.

This used to happen from time to time at the beginning of seeing Ari, but I got better at neglecting the sensation, pushing it down. It’s harder now that I know Ari hasn’t been seeing other people while we’ve been together. And with Emilia in the mix, the temptation is difficult to stifle.