Page 95 of Take What You Want

She shrugs haughtily. “It’s your birthday celebration.” As if that’s enough of an explanation for why this vodka soda is more like straight vodka.

I’m more careful with my next sip as I look back at Hayden, awaiting his answer. He cracks his tattooed knuckles and glances at the group. “I didn’t think he’d come.” Carter rubs his back in reassurance.

I clench my teeth, trying to bite now my initial reaction. It doesn't matter if he thought he wouldn’t come. He should’ve at least been invited.

And I think if the offer would’ve been there, as stubborn as Reid is, he would’ve stopped by.

“Nik, we haven’t heard from him since last year.” Walker sighs.

“And have you reached out to him?” I shoot back, harsher than I intended.

Walker scoffs, and Scar shifts beside him. He wraps an arm around her and pulls her into his side, but she remains stiff. An underlying tension simmers beneath her carefully blank expression.

“No,” Hayden concedes, “but I’m just saying, I don’t know if we’re ready for that yet.”

But I am. I want my family back intact. It’s selfish, because I wasn’t the one who was hurt in the fractured friendships between Reid and Walker, and Reid and Hayden. But that’s what they are. My family.

My parents’ house was like a cold war growing up, leaving Milo and me to cling to each other in the debris. In those times during and after their divorce and the dissolution of our family, my bandmates were who kept me together. I got a break from trying to be the glue for my blood family and instead was allowed to find solace in them.

But after the break and subsequent incidents that happened thereafter, I found myself once again in the position of trying to keep everyone together. And as exhausting as it was and I know I did everything I could, I still wonder if there was more I could’ve done to heal the wounds they gave each other.

“I won’t push anyone,” I say, leaning against the counter. “But at some point, we all have to move on.”

“Haven’t we been doing that?” Walker says.

“I’d say everyone’s been in avoidance mode.”

Janes snorts, then tries to cover it with a cough. I whip my head in her direction and glare. What’s so funny about that? Her entire MO lately has been avoidance.

Avoid me.

Avoid talking.

Avoid her feelings.

Avoid, avoid, avoid.

But she must feel emboldened that I won’t call her on her bullshit in front of everyone, because that would mean exposing everything we’ve been hiding. And that’s not going to happen like this.

“Look,” I take a deep breath, “I just don’t want the people I care about the most to be torn apart forever.” And I don’t want to be in the middle of it again.

Walker and Hayden exchange a weighted look. “I just think we all need time,” Hayden says.

I nod. “That’s I guess the best I can ask for right now.”

There’s an awkward silence, before Carter nudges Hayden. “Did you want to get some music going?”

Hayden pulls his phone out and after a few taps, pop music pumps throughout the room. Between that and Jane’s suggestion for shots, the mood lifts considerably.

Carter and Scar walk through the open doors out onto the concrete surrounding the pool, while Walker accompanies Hayden over to his grill to get some food started.

Jane moves to stand beside me, her perfume sweet and tempting. She’s wearing a crimson-colored bikini with a matching wrap around her hips. Black sunglasses sit on top of her head, holding her hair out of her bare face. She’s tanned from her summer in LA and there’s a glow about her that draws me in.

“It won’t always be like this,” she says quietly, only for me to hear.

“Like what?”

She scans my face, reading me better than anyone has in my life. “Everyone separated. The tension, the hurt. It’ll heal.”

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