Page 65 of Take What You Want

And I have to let him go.

16

NIKOLAI

How did I ever think that I could possibly live without this feeling?

My heart beats like it could explode out of my chest as I make my way backstage with the biggest smile on my face. I ignore the slight pang in my chest that I don’t have my brothers alongside me to soak in this post performance high. This is the new normal, and I need to get used to it.

When I push open the door to my greenroom, applause and cheers erupt from everyone inside. Arun and his team crowd the space, alongside the photographer for the evening and Hendrik. They descend like an excited pack of puppies and clap me on the back, all talking over each other about the performance.

Arun manages to cut his way through and pulls me in for a hug. He smells like his familiar spicy cologne and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude that he’s here with me on this new journey.

“You did it,” he says, pride shining through his words.

“Did you doubt I wouldn’t?” I joke as we break apart.

He rolls his shoulders back with a laugh. “Never. I knew the first time I watched you perform that you were born to do this.”

Many people have told me that over the years, but it hits differently coming from him. He’s been in this industry for longer than I’ve been alive and throughout all of Whisper Me Nothings highs and lows, his belief in me as a front man never wavered.

“Thank you,” I tell him sincerely. “I couldn’t do it without you.”

He shakes his head. “You could, but you’d miss me.”

“Damn straight.”

I follow him over to a table in the corner and accept the water bottle from him. The rest of the room settles into their own conversations as Arun asks, “How do you think it went?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“We’ll get to me in a minute,” he says. “I want to get your thoughts first.”

The water is cool as it slips down my throat. I chug about half of it in one go before I answer. “I think it went well. The crowd responded to the song and performance enthusiastically, and I’m happy with the way it translated to a live version.”

Arun nods alongside my assessment.

“Vocally, it wasn’t my best.” I hate to admit it, but nerves got the best of me in the first verse and some notes were shakier than I’d have liked.

“It’s your first performance in months. I’ll forgive it.”

Arun’s jacket pocket buzzes and he fishes out my phone that I gave him for safekeeping during the performance. He hands it over.

A quick peek reveals a text from Milo, congratulating me on the show and a promise to fly out for the next one. I don’t have anything from either of my parents, but I didn’t really expect to. My mom has been back in Moscow taking care of my grandfather and my dad is currently on vacation in the Bahamas with his new girlfriend.

I shoot Milo a text back before pocketing it and turning my attention to Arun. “Sorry about that.”

“No apologies necessary. Now, what did you think of Kerra? Are you happy with how things went with her?”

I pick at the label on the water bottle as I think over his question. As off-putting as she can be offstage, I can’t deny that she was incredible tonight. She has charisma with a crowd and vocally, she was almost flawless. “I guess so.”

“You guess so?” Arun repeats dully.

“What do you want me to say? She was good. The crowd seemed to be into her.”

He sighs. “Well, I’m happy you can put on a more convincing performance when you’re in front of others. You’re going to need it.”

“Is it too late?—”

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