Page 5 of Take What You Want

Hallie opens her mouth to argue, but must see the exhaustion on my face. “Fine,” she mumbles, turning her own computer back on and getting back to work.

I start sifting through the emails I missed when my phone buzzes on my desk. Nikolai’s name lights up the screen.

Nikolai: How long is this meeting of yours?

I sigh, rocking back in my chair. Always impatient, this one. As much as I love Nikolai, I don’t have the energy to talk on the phone with him right now.

Me: Can you please just send me what you need over text? Some of us have to work.

Nikolai: Are you avoiding me?

Nikolai: Cause I won’t allow that

Nikolai: You should know better than that by now

I do know better than that, Nikolai.

But I wasn’t the one who broke us.

He was.

9 YEARS AGO

NIKOLAI

“Soundcheck starts at 6:00pm, doors open at 7:00pm, and then the show starts at 7:30pm. That work for everyone?” The bar manager looks at the four of us and we all eagerly nod.

“Great.” He claps and waves us away. “Feel free to hang out here until it’s time, or else give me a call when you return.”

We subconsciously look toward Walker who makes the decision for us. “I think we’ll stick around here if that’s cool.”

“No problem.”

The manager, whose name I think is Harrison but can’t quite remember, walks around the bar top and through a door that I assume leads to his office, leaving the four of us and Jane alone in the venue for our show tonight. She sits at the bar, nose buried in a textbook and furiously jotting notes in a notebook.

“I hope we can fill this place,” Hayden murmurs as we look around the large bar. It’s the biggest place we’ve played yet and I can see the slight panic on his face.

“We’ve been overflowing the smaller places,” Walker reassures him. “This is our next step.”

“It’s a big step.”

“We’ll be fine,” Reid pipes in, leaning casually against a pillar. “One day, we’re going to look back on the size of this place and laugh that we ever even questioned if it was too big.”

A grin splits my lips as I survey the empty space and imagine it one day transforming into an arena. “This is just the beginning for us.” Excitement thrums in my veins, making it hard to stand still.

Walker thumps a heavy hand on my shoulder as he matches my smile. “Who knows, maybe this is the show that someone big will notice us for and get our foot in the door in LA somewhere.”

Hayden’s phone rings, and he answers, “Hey, Dad,” as he steps away.

“Have you heard back from any of the agents you reached out to?” Reid asks, his question directed at Walker, who not only serves as our drummer but also our manager for the time being. Tentative hope fills Reid’s blue eyes; a look that only a lifetime of constantly being let down can give.

Walker clears his throat as he grits out, “No,” and Reid’s shoulders fall in disappointment and my chest deflates. But Walker is quick to add, “But that doesn’t mean anything! We just need to keep doing shows. Keep the buzz going. And I think we need to redo some of our demos.”

“That shit’s expensive,” Reid grumbles.

“I know, but it’ll pay off one day.”

“I think we need a new song. Something different. Less pop-punk and more pop-rock. Something a little more radio friendly,” I say.

---